All of us have been watching football for decades now. Seems like we should have seen and heard just about everything that could possibly go down on the field, but no, Week Four saw not one…
…but TWO…
…referees lose their flippin’ minds during their games, causing them to be suspended for their conduct. Where the hell do they find these guys?!
As if that wasn’t wacky enough, the QB Farm Team came out of nowhere to piss on the dreams of the ole Fantasy Nightmare, 136.40 – 115.80, lead by the dynamic RB duo of…Kyle Monangai and Emanuel Wilson?! Welcome to the league, Johnnie. Normally I’d be sad that I just made my pick worse in the 2027 draft, but, oh yeah, I own yours too!
As strange as that victory was, we almost witnessed the impossible: Buzzystinger also getting a win. I mean, here’s a guy with a benched backup quarterback in the starting lineup AND a backup running back on a terrible NYJ team in his superflex slot, and he *still* took Urban Achievers deep. Alas, some afternoon-game heroics from CMC, Bowers, and Ollie Gordon were enough to push Redman over the top, 96.46 – 74.40, giving him a victory against the only team he could have beat in Week Four. Sigh.
After a couple tough weeks, The Analrapists were looking to get back on the glory hole, er, I mean road. Glory road. It was a tall order for Ted, going up against the undefeated Packer Hater. Alex’s duo of John Allen and Ken Walker came through like it always has, scoring a combined 49 points…but after that, the Packer Hater fell apart, losing 97.68 – 134.48. The Analrapists’ RBs were the story this week, but stepping back and looking at the whole season, it appears Ted finally, mercifully has some functioning QBs on his roster! How far he’s come since the days when I was writing poetry about his plight.
Another undefeated team suck-cummed to the pressure in Week Four, and who would have thought it would be The Woodster?! Zach has been pounding mf’s like a game of whack-a-mole with his mighty club, an all-star cast from top to bottom, lead by Gibbs and Bijan. And hell, he would have beat most of us if the schedule had been different (especially Red; that guy sucks). Alas, the mighty Growler Prowler whiskey-dicked ZaWood, 164.50 – 142.90, riding the trifecta of Puka-Zay-Tet to victory while giving Zach’s rager a break for a week.
And then there was one. We all might have expected Zach to be the last team to stay undefeated, but in the end, is anyone truly shocked that Skeletor happens to be the man yet again? He’s got the Dak-Lamb stack for 50 this week, he’s got the dynasty pedigree, he’s got his name etched on the trophy multiple times. It helps that he went against a winless Science Walrus team, no doubt, but Evil Empire still crushed, 157.90 – 101.54, putting up enough points to beat anyone other than Growler Prowler. At this point, is there anything in the known universe that can stop this mighty villain?!
Watch those lineups this week. Not only do we have another morning game, but bye weeks also start in Week Five.
Also, I still need payment from three teams. Info is in the pinned message in the Sleeper chat.
Best of luck in Week Five, fellas!
Andy
