During the course of the six seasons we’ve played in The Terrible Ten, it’s not very often the week has been completely decided by the close of SNF. Now, I know what you’re thinking: there’s a possibility Tua gets 43 (nah) or Waddle gets 28 (possible, albeit unlikely) on MNF, but fuck it, I’m gonna throw caution to the wind and thumb my nose at the fantasy gods.
While Mark Andrews has enjoyed a nice resurgence after moving from my squad to The Analrapists, poor Ted got nothing from Javonte Williams’ one carry this week (which paired nicely with Justice Hill’s two carries for negative yardage). Chubba did his best to make up for the other RBs’ shortcomings, but it just wasn’t enough to thwart my QB Farm Team’s eighth…straight…win, 108.10 – 73.42! Honest to god, I can’t believe I’m in first place with a team that’s had some key injuries and really isn’t crushing anyone. The build-up to my eventual one-and-done is truly turning into must-see TV.
If ever there was a week Evil Empire was ripe for the picking, it was Week Ten. After losing Dak to a season-ending injury, Scotty opened the coffers during waivers and snatched up Dak’s replacement, Cooper Rush, who promptly went out and got a -2 for The Empire. Lucky for him, Science Walrus is abysmal this season. Outside of a massive day from Kyler Murray (and assuming Waddle doesn’t get that 28 points later tonight), no one else did a thing. The end result was a 93.14 – 72.64 victory, served on a platter for Scotty’s third win in a row.
It was only a matter of time before Other Scott, aka Growler Prowler, got back to his winning ways. Then again, when Lamar Jackson’s 32.90 was more points than Stevenson, Wilson, McBride, DSmith, and Rodgers combined, well, the end result was a lopsided ass-whooping of Packer Hater, 133.90 – 90.74. With less time needed for strategy and more time available for drinking, ole Growler Prowler was a hot mess on his way back to HQ this week. Normally I’d berate the stupid bastard for drinking and driving, but in this case, it seemed like the general populace would be safe during his joyride.
Typically Puff’s Punishers is a solid bet to come out on top in the regular season (the only safer bet being his guaranteed losses in the postseason). 2024, on the other hand, has seen Puffy fail to get much traction along the way. Luckily for him, he had a laugher of a matchup against Buzzystinger, which got Josh back to his winning ways, 117.22 – 91.08. After the game, The Punishers tried talking up their squad, mouthing off about how they were back, putting the league on notice, yadda-yadda-yadda…but seriously, we all know the only thing easier than beating Buzzy is landing a date with my sister on a Saturday night.
Then again, sealing the deal — whether it’s with Buzzy or Bambi — requires rock-hard strength and stamina, something ZaWood has had trouble with for years now. Just when he starts moving from six to midnight, he falters along the way. After a helluva win against Growler Prowler last week, the blood flow was stymied by the ultimate cock-block, Urban Achievers, winning 139.84 – 108.76 and leaving Zach shellshocked as he tried to describe how it all went wrong.
Best of luck in Week Eleven, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 