Well, damn. Week Nine of the NFL season will be remembered for a long time to come, highlighted by plays that became instant classics. From Garrett Wilson’s one-handed TD grab:…
…to Saquon’s backwards hurdle…
…it was a weekend to gather highlights for the Espy Awards.
Then again, it wasn’t all good. Derek Carr threw a balloon over the middle that almost got Chris Olave decapitated, and the Cowboys were the Cowboys once again. Even Dak knows what’s up after nine weeks:
You know who else sucks? Urban Achievers, that’s who. I mean, even with 28 from Achane, and having QBs that outscored mine 39 – 21, and a last-second garbage-time TD from Bowers that got him an additional 9 points, he *still* couldn’t beat my QB Farm Team. And now, after winning 125.14 – 120.14, my new name is The 1st Place QB Farm Team, bitches! Bow before your new king!
As jaw-dropping as it is that my team ascended to first place in anything (other than first place in consolation, anyway), the more amazing feat this weekend came from Science Walrus. Now, don’t get me wrong: Brent was nowhere near a win, as has been the case all season long. Instead, he came into Sunday a fraction of a point away from having the lowest score in Terrible Ten history. All it took to save himself the embarrassment was a single catch or a couple yards rushing from Xavier Worthy. Piece o’ cake, right?!
What a perfect way to cap off an abysmal 42.44 – 109.08 loss to The Analrapists. I guess if you’re gonna flirt with Buzzy-level ineptitude, you may as well push it all-in and go down in history.
Speaking of Buzzy, he’s still putting up a decent fight each week, and had to be excited by the prospect of Indy benching Richardson in favor of Flacco (giving him a second starting QB). But, per usual, he didn’t have the army needed to take down even an average Evil Empire, losing 102.72 – 130.16. Scotty has had a rough go so far this season, but he still packs some serious heat. Can’t be steppin’ to The Champ with lackluster firepower and expect to cum out on top.
Puff’s Punishers had been hoping to expand his three-game win streak during his birthday week, and could have done so if he’d been playing most teams in the league. Unfortunately, he played this week’s top scorer, Packer Hater, who gunned down The Punishers 169.82 – 150.48. What Josh hoped would be a victory celebration with BJ’s and cake…
…didn’t quite go as he’d expected in Week Nine.
And last, what has happened to Growler Prowler? After making mincemeat of the league, winning six in a row to take the top spot through seven weeks, he’s now lost two in a row. His latest loss came at the hands of…*squints, cleans glasses, looks again*…does that say ZaWood?! Holy shit, it is! It is ZaWood!! Good for you, Zach. Kinda fun to beat someone other than yourself, no?
Best of luck in Week Ten, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 