My apologies for the lengthy delay in writing the final newsletter of the 2021 season. Part of me wanted to write it as soon as possible and get it over with; the other part of me wanted to delay felating the winner as long as possible. Not knowing what to do, I froze.
It was pretty swell shirking my duties as commish and watching a week of stress-free football, but playtime is over. I might be able to run from my job, but I certainly can’t hide, so I spent the last few days in preparation for what must be done.
*sigh*
Here goes…
Can you believe how downright amazing Horseshoe Up My Hooper was in the consolation bracket?! I mean, shit: I took out the regular-season number-one seed not once but TWICE in 2021, this time by the embarrassing score of 141.16 – 96.02. Try as he might, Puff’s Punishers’ mighty arsenal had nothing on me! Better luck next year, Josh…assuming you survive your injuries.
Ok, well, I guess it’s time. Not looking forward to doing this, but I can’t dawdle any longer. Best to pull off the band-aid and get it over with. Promise to keep this just amongst us, guys? I mean, I don’t see myself as having a political career or anything, but doing my best Joe Rogan impersonation pretty much takes it off the table.
Wait, what? You thought I was alluding to Urban Achievers? Seriously? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Urban Achievers beat Evil Empire, 149.16 – 113.70, to win the Super Bowl. Might have been special…if two other guys hadn’t already won it before him. Whoopdy-fucking-doo.
And with that, the season is over. I mentioned a couple bullet points in the Sleeper chat, but I’ll reiterate them here for the international fans who want to get lost in the minutiae of The Terrible Ten:
1. The league has already transitioned to the 2022 season, so waivers have been turned off and trades have been turned on. Draft order has already been entered, so feel free to trade those picks (just not to me).
2. Payouts have been sent to me (huzzah!), Scott, and what’s-his-nuts. We’ll need to discuss dispersement of league dues/payouts in the future, but I’ll send that via Sleeper chat. Edge of your seat stuff, so be on the lookout!
Other topics for the offseason:
1. I assume you’re all in for another year of playing in the world’s greatest fantasy football league, but if not, please let me know ASAP so I can find a replacement. I’ll need time to find another chump willing to donate money to me every year.
2. I’ll schedule the 8-team rookie draft for sometime in May (working around the fishing opener for those in the league who partake); Brent and I will be golfing and getting drunk, so play nicely together (I’d ask you not to rob Pearce like Science Walrus did last draft, but, well, he only has 4.07 this season so not much damage can be done).
3. If anyone has any ideas for rule tweaks, etc, drop me a note. I’ll look them over, reject them as nonsense, and forget you ever contacted me.
I think that’s it. See you ‘round the chat, fellas!
Andy
p.s. As fun as it was to ghost Redman in the main newsletter, and as little as I want to stroke him (my guess is he’s plenty chafed from all the stroking he’s already done, and he hasn’t even seen the trophy yet), it truly was a remarkable season. Granted, my dynasty experience is not as robust as someone like Evil Empire, but Redman pretty much pulled off the impossible. It’s one thing to sell off a bunch of bit pieces or picks and try to solidify a lineup with veterans that can get you over the hump; it’s quite another to “strip the walls down the the studs” and rebuild that sumbitch from the ground up WITH ROOKIES. I didn’t doubt the Urban Achievers would be the team to beat down the road, but I never would have guessed he’d get that much production from a bunch of first-year players. An incredible gamble that paid off in spades…and will likely continue to pay off for some time to come, damn it.
Now if you’ll excuse me…
The Terrible Ten 