Greetings from the bunker in snowy Minnesota! We’re just now emerging from a nasty storm, which began after a few days of 40-degree weather and ended with this:
Some might think I’m jealous of our Force-filled commish, Dark Side Scotty, while he lounges on the beach with a fruity drink and not a care in the world…but after what transpired in the TSN playoffs, there’s no place I’d rather be than under a snowdrift, immortalizing a matchup for the ages.
We’ll start with the 3rd Place game between Rubberband Man and 2 Gibbs, 1 Higgs, which ended up being a bit of a dud. With the exception of the starting QBs, no one scored above 20 points. Hell, most players didn’t even hit double digits. The difference ended up being the TE slot, with McBride’s 18 points giving a boost to Alex, while an overhyped Taysom delivered a big fat bagel for Jason. The end result was a 90.42 – 70.28 victory for Rubberband Man, living up to his namesake by ruthlessly taking out his opponent…
…before collecting his winnings and heading off to enjoy some R&R.
And then we come to the final.
Not since Wrestlemania III have we seen a battle between two titans of their sport, an irresistible force named Jolly Rodgers standing toe-to-toe with an immovable object like three-time champ Lamar’s Incredible Balls. You could cut the tension with a knife!
The week started with three games on Christmas, and Jolly Rodgers’ postseason hinged on a successful day. Four players (half his team!) were scheduled to play, so he needed guys to be at the top of their game. How did it play out? Well, Harvey got the memo, turning in a solid 16-point performance; sadly, Lamb, Pickens, and McLaurin were pretty meh, achieving only 26 points between the three of them. With only 42 points from half his guys, things were looking dicey for the league pirate. Mutiny was in the air.
And then the worst possible scenario happened. King Henry played on Saturday and proceeded to score not-one-not-two-not-three-but-FOUR touchdowns en route to a 45-point night for Lamar’s Incredible Balls! Suddenly one player had more points than four of the Jolly Rodgers’ crew, and the writing was on the wall. Backed into a corner, Chas walked out on his own plank and appeared to acknowledge defeat in the face of those giant balls…
…but the force runs deep in that family. While Dark Side Scotty is the all-powerful Sith, let’s not forget Chas is related to him, packing some midi-chlorians of his own. Sunday afternoon came along, and so did 37 from Maye and 27 from Chase Brown, catching Lamar’s Incredible Balls by surprise as the Jolly Rodgers jumped back into the fight!
Back and forth they dueled: Chas was ahead by 12 going into SNF; then Johnnie unleashed CMC for 26 points and was back up by 14 going into MNF. And that lead probably felt safe because he still had Puka going…but Chas had Bijan. In what will go down as an all-timer in fantasy championships, BRob scored 37 points, which proved to be more than enough to overtake Puka + 14, thereby stomping Lamar’s Incredible Balls and giving the championship to Jolly Rodgers!
Not sure how you get a better Super Bowl than that. Congrats to Chas on slaying the giant; props to Johnnie for being on the cusp of FOUR straight titles. Truly amazing, gents.
And with that, the 2025 TSN season is over. Thanks so much for having me these past couple weeks. Thanks to Scotty for all the wonderful newsletters that preceded these. And thanks to everyone in the league for the fun atmosphere and spirited chats. Enjoy the offseason!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 