The Terrible Ten

A lot on the line this past week, so let’s get right to it, shall we?

It goes without saying that no one wanted to see Puff’s Punishers win the Toilet Bowl. With the exception of setting a weekly lineup and a rare appearance in the chat (usually to chirp at Redman), Puffy is not known for scouring the waiver wire. The extra $15 FAAB for a Toilet Bowl victory would be worthless and anti-climactic and super lame, so I thank The Analrapists for losing all season long before deciding to win-out in the loser bracket, beating Puffy 104.16 – 102.46, restoring our faith in the fantasy gods.

I assume most leagues are a little tighter than The Terrible Ten, with teams that hold on to their picks for all they’re worth. That is not our league. For instance, in the 2025 draft only 9 of the 40 picks were taken by the teams who originally had them; that’s up from 8 in 2024. So, while having a final battle in the 5th Place game — with the winner getting the better draft pick — makes sense on paper, teams typically aren’t fighting for their own picks. No matter. This league is filled with gentlemen who understand the need to defend their honor, even if the end result is meaningless to the participants. This year’s duel saw Urban Achievers standing toe-to-toe with Packer Hater. No love lost here, with Alex comparing Red to Satan earlier in the season.

Unfortunately for him, Urban Achievers took offense and answered the call, winning 140.70 – 108.70 and putting Alex back in his place (until next season anyway).

And then we come to the semifinals…or, in the case of ZaWood looking to continue his run, we cum to the semifinals. After years in obscurity, it’s been a helluva season for the Woodster, and that continued in his seminal, er, semifinal matchup with huge days from Bijan and Burrow, to name a couple. That being said, the underdog Science Walrus also had huge days from Olave and Maye, keeping him in lock-step with ZaWood. In the end, it was the benching of Caleb and an errant Dart throw that kept Science Walrus from pulling off the upset, 124.72 – 136.94. I’m sure Brent won’t think about that one this offseason.

And then we come to The Battle of the Scotts, a time-honored tradition in The Terrible Ten that has yielded some of our greatest matchups.

Unfortunately for Evil Empire, his week was over before it even got rolling. What started with 40.50 from Puka on TNF ended with 156.42 points for Growler Prowler. Even with a fortuitous swap of Warren-for-Marks that yielded 28.10 for Evil Empire, his army faltered before the might of The Drunk One, coming up short with only 118.74 points. The victory gives Growler Prowler a chance to take back the trophy he won in our inaugural season. He has a tough matchup against ZaWood and his 12 regular-season wins…until you realize it was Growler Prowler who handed him one of his 2 losses. Watch out, ZaWood: Scott P’s switching from beer to whiskey this week, cuz everyone knows…

Matchups are set: Evil Empire vs Science Walrus for the return of their $50 entrance fee, and ZaWood vs Growler Prowler for a chance to hoist a DNA-encrusted Gertrude the Trophy. Best of luck, fellas!