I turned 49 years old this year. It’s so weird to see that number used to describe my age. Mentally, it feels like I should be heading off to high school when the alarm goes off in the morning. Physically? Well, that’s a different story. Most days I feel like I’m 149 years old with the various aches and pains life has afforded me. So while I think it’ll likely be a failed experiment in Indy, I have nothing but respect for Phillip Rivers. Dude’s in his mid-forties being chased down by players half his age, and I’m over here pining for my bed by 8pm each night and lamenting my sore neck from sleeping on my pillow the wrong way.
Back to The Terrible Ten, there’s plenty of saluting to do here as well. Starting with the lowliest of lows, my QB Farm Team has finally been put out of its misery by Puff’s Punishers, 78.48 – 143.42. Nothing of note from my squad, other than a nice day from Treveyon Henderson; here’s hoping he assumes the bell-cow role next season. As for Puffy, he’s left to wonder why his team waited for the Toilet Bowl to show up in full force. Geesh.
The other side of the Toilet Bowl bracket saw The Analrapists give it to Buzzystinger, 84.14 – 70.96. Both teams are in desperate need of reinforcements, and they’re both in luck; they own their early picks in the upcoming draft (with Buzzy having two additional 1sts at his disposal). Here’s hoping The Analrapists can carry his good luck forward. After all, that extra $15 in FAAB will be a waste in Puffy’s coffers (as of this writing, he still has all $100 of his 2025 FAAB).
And then we come to the REAL games.
On paper, the matchup between Packer Hater and Growler Prowler was predicted to be a battle. For once, Sleeper got it right, with the teams going back and forth all day. Alex got 31 from McBride, only to be answered by Cook’s 30 for Scott. It seemed like Scott being down to one QB might tip the scales in Alex’s favor, but Growler Prowler was able to offset Josh Allen’s 24 with 20 from Sutton in the SF slot. Lo and behold, when the dust settled, it was Growler Prowler who emerged victorious, 132.30 – 118.60! The win has Palmquist all jacked up for next week’s Battle of the Scotts in the semifinals, going so far as to taunt his upcoming opponent with the secret to his success.
[Admit it: you read that in Happy’s high-pitched voice.]
I suppose I should have started with Urban Achievers vs Science Walrus. It was easily the least exciting matchup of the week. If we’ve learned anything in the last seven seasons of the The Terrible Ten, it’s that the only guarantees in this league are me placing 2nd if I make it to the finals, and Brent being one-and-done if he makes it to the playoffs.
Then you look at Science Walrus’ opponent and you realize how futile it was to think Brent had a chance. How could he possibly overcome an opponent who has some of the best players at every position?
An opponent who dominated scoring in 2025?
An opponent who was fresh off a championship last season?!
Face it, Urban Achievers is just too damned good!
And so it comes as no shock that Urban Achievers (got) destroyed (by) Science Walrus, 125.34 – 118.24!!!
And there you have it. This week’s Toilet Bowl matchup between Puff’s Punishers and The Analrapists has a cool $15 of 2026 FAAB on the line; the Fifth Place game between Urban Achievers and Packer Hater is for a better position in the 2026 draft; and the semifinals are set with (1) ZaWood vs (5) Science Walrus and (2) Evil Empire vs (3) Growler Prowler!
Before I go, a reminder to pay attention to those lineups. This week sees the inclusion of Saturday games, so make sure you’re all set before they begin.
Best of luck in Round Two, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 