Apologies in advance. I assume this newsletter will be a bit shorter than most. I’m feeling pretty crappy this week, and my head’s just not in the game. Evil Empire tells me productivity has gone up during my absence from work. Joke’s on him, though: I’m writing this while getting paid to be home sick, so…
Usually I end up catching something the kids bring home from school, but it’s entirely possible I’m nauseous from watching my atrocious roster pretend to play football. While it was nice to see Treveyon *finally* get some run, and Tez perform admirably for the Bucs’ depleted WR corps, let’s face it: my team sucks. Oh, and Evil Empire does not. His JT-led army sacked the QB Farm Team, 145.74 – 90.92, keeping him in 2nd place AND clinching a playoff berth. In celebration, ole Skeletor went surfing for some companionship after MNF. Last I heard, he found just what he was looking for.
As trashy as my team is, we have a couple others also vying for futility. Going into the season we figured Buzzystinger would be at the bottom with me, but I’m not sure anyone thought The Analrapists would be quite as bad as they’ve been. And wouldn’t you know it, Ted’s problems compounded with his fifth loss in a row, 82.64 – 91.60 to his pal, Buzzy. Man oh man, when it rains, it pours. Thought I’d ask Ted how he felt about this latest pitfall during the postgame news conference, but he wasn’t really in the mood to chat.
In another matchup between friends, Science Walrus snuck past Packer Hater, 140.10 – 128.56, keeping Brent in the mix for a playoff spot. For Alex, the loss was a frustrating one, having numerous WR options on the bench, but instead getting burned by 0 points from Garrett Wilson in his return from an injury layoff.
The Urban Achievers came to play, led by Achane’s 37.50 and supported nicely by everyone not named Bowers turning in double-digit scores. Puff’s Punishers had a nice week too, but it just wasn’t enough, losing to Redman, 124.72 – 146.10. Has the window closed for Josh and his team of vets? Will he ever try to get value for his players before it’s too late? Will he ever take down the posters of dreamy boy-band NSYNC from his bedroom walls? Will he ever stop wearing women’s crotchless underwear? Will he ever see these questions and respond to my attempt at publicly shaming him?
And last, Growler Prowler turned in a complete dud against league leader ZaWood, 73.32 – 131.02. The loss drops Growler Prowler to the Six Seed, putting him in danger of missing the playoffs altogether; as for ZaWood, another win has him spraying his Sex Seed everywhere he goes.
Best of luck in Week Eleven, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 