The Terrible Ten

Another week, another barrage of big-name injuries. That being said, I think the bigger news is how many close, competitive games there were. Everyone figured Bills vs Chiefs would be a tight back-and-forth matchup, but how about the Bears downing the Bengals in a wild shootout? The Vikes somehow going into Detroit and taking one from the Lions? The Panthers (the PANTHERS) sticking it to the Pack?! Raiders over JAX, Broncos sneaking past the Texans, the Cardinals beating up the Cowboys on MNF…

And for the most part, the close matchups bled over into The Terrible Ten as well. First and foremost, we had our own Battle of the Bastards in Week Nine, as league doormats Buzzystinger and QB Farm Team squared off. Bryon started strong with incredible QB numbers from Flacco and McCarthy, but took hits from Wilson and Noel’s combined -1.40 points. It looked like my team was doomed to squander away a chance at another win, but the hugely intelligent, genius-like move of elevating Monangai from the taxi squad, coupled with the free-agency Move of the Year of picking up league-winner Jacoby Brissett, proved to be just enough to sneak past Buzzy, 95.20 – 89.92. Take that, ya bastard!

Growler Prowler and Puff’s Punishers had an equally close battle, bolstered by solid QB on both sides of the matchup and filled in nicely by the other starters. In the end, Growler Prowler’s liquid courage proved to be too much for the Punishers, giving Scott the win, 120.40 – 114.80. The victory wasn’t without some pain, though — Puka exited early with a rib injury, and Tucker “Tyler” Kraft shredded a knee, ending his fantastic season — leaving Scott in limbo-land as to whether he should be happy or sad after the win.

The game of the week was ZaWood vs Science Walrus, an epic scorefest that had both teams in the top-three points-wise. It seemed like Brent might have enough juice to overcome Zach’s playmakers. I mean, Darnold throws an almost perfect game with four touchdown passes…but Caleb’s shootout against Cincy leaves him with even more points. Tee Higgins was the beneficiary of the aforementioned shootout, netting 29.60 points…but Drake London caught not-one-not-two-but-THREE touchdowns, earning him 34.30 on the day. In the end, ZaWood got just a bit more from his squad, earning the 155.52 – 150.16 victory, leaving the Walrus in tears over taking the L with the third most points of the week…

…while ZaWood distended after his losing streak ended.

Going into the week, it looked like Packer Hater was gonna have his hands full. His opponent, Evil Empire, was atop the standings with only one loss. When the games got underway, it didn’t help that Boutte was injured early, giving Alex a dreaded zero in his final tally. But, lackluster play from Mahomes, Dak, Kittle, and JT gave Alex an opening, and his Dowdle-led team took full advantage, ending the Empire, 129.94 – 106.20. The loss dumped Scotty into 2nd place, while the win (his fourth in a row) kept Alex in contention for a coveted bye week, putting the top dogs on notice that this he-man is coming for them.

In a week of close matchups, leave it to Urban Achievers to be the contrarian. Or maybe it’s The Analrapists who deserve to be chastised? Whatever. Ted just couldn’t get a damned thing going, while Redman was firing on all cylinders, getting huge scores from Herbert, CMC, and Bowers en route to a 167.02 – 86.12 thrashing of The Analrapists. The victory wasn’t without some attrition — Daniels suffered a nasty elbow injury that will have him on the bench for awhile — but when you’re scoring 160+ points, I’m guessing the Achievers will survive. As for Ted, well…at 2-7 in the standings alongside QB Farm Team and Buzzystinger, it appears The Analrapists are just giving (it) up at this point.

Heads-up that we’re back to having a Sunday morning game. Keep an eye on those rosters, and best of luck in Week Ten, fellas!

Andy