Wait, what? We’re halfway through the season already? How did that happen?! While I’m sure it’s been lightning-fast for some, it’s been kind of a drag hitting the reset button on all of my leagues and having absolutely no hope of winning anything. When you’re just going through the motions and biding time until making questionable picks in the upcoming draft, this game gets to be a little…
I mean, I’ve already been taken to Pound Town by Science Walrus in two other leagues this year. Maybe I’d luck out and the third time would be the charm? Pfft. Whatever. Brent squashed my QB Farm Team, 105.16 – 74.82, leaving me completely demoralized and unnerved from our annual rivalry.
Speaking of rivalries, the annual Battle of the Scotts is usually a sight to behold as two perennial powerhouses duke it out for bragging rights. Unfortunately, Growler Prowler came into the matchup at the wrong time — his flock of Baltimore Ravens was on bye, coupled with bad QB play from Fields and Rattler — leading to a lopsided loss to Evil Empire, 86.56 – 152.60. Now, you know how Skeletor is: doesn’t matter if an opponent is missing some pieces, he’s gonna go for the jugular, notch another win, then revel in the victory in the most obscene way possible. His Week Seven victory was no exception, fellow Scott be damned!
A lot’s happened since The Analrapists got bent over and played center to my QB Farm Team last week. In a surprise move, Ted sent Baker Mayfield packing, receiving Cam Ward and a 1st rounder in return. Time will tell if the trade pays off, but for now, The Analrapists are back in QB purgatory, adding the young rookie to a squad that includes Tua (who seems to have forgotten how to throw a ball), Young (who hasn’t built off the promising signs shown late last season), and Wilson (who’s too busy eating your mom to make an appearance on the football field). Add it all up, and it’s a resounding loss to Packer Hater, 88.82 – 130.38. Post-victory, Alex is starting to feel a little shade after stacking up so many wins this season, maneuvering his way into 3rd place in the standings. Not that he cares what we think about him…
I think this next statement goes without saying, but I’ll repeat it so the losers know how bad they are this season: QB Farm Team and Buzzystinger should not be winning. I don’t care if your team is decimated by injury or byes or Armageddon itself: we should not be winning! I’ll take it one step further: when it’s a close game and the opponent, in this case Puff’s Punishers, still has St Brown, Goff, and Montgomery in a tight matchup, it should be obvious that Buzzy has no shot. Well, I guess that’s why they play the games, meboy, because Bryon did the unthinkable and edged-out Puff’s Punishers, 103.32 – 101.78, to get his second (SECOND!!!) win of the year. My God, some of you guys are just awful.
The game of the week was Urban Achievers going up against ZaWood, two juggernauts in the league jockeying for top spots in the standings. It looked like Redman had enough firepower to take down the big dog with massive points from Chase and CMC, but ZaWood, ahem, Nix’d that nonsense with massive scores from JSN and Gibbs, giving Zach the win, 167.18 – 154.24. Always a joy grinding out the second most points of the week and still getting the L, eh, Redman?! Oh well. Be thankful it was just a loss. ZaWood is so engorged these days, it wouldn’t be good if he caught up to you after the game.
We’re finally done with the Sunday morning games, but Bye-pocalypse is upon us. Watch those lineups, and best of luck in Week Eight, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 