Truth be told, I wasn’t sure I’d write a newsletter this week. I managed to catch a nasty cough/cold/fever over the weekend, and with it being so close to my MS infusion a few weeks back, I still lack an immune system to fight this crap off. Suddenly a run-of-the-mill bug turns into Ebola. Then I told myself to stop being such a puss. If this guy can do it, so can I!
As crappy as I feel, some other folks are even worse off, particularly in the ankle area, of all places. Evil Empire was able to stave off The Analrapists, 117.88 – 104.56, despite massive MNF output by Andrews and Bateman for Ted AND shortened days from Lamb (ankle) and Evans (hammy) for Scotty. The win keeps Skeletor undefeated at 3-0, which I’m sure he likes, but the injuries are starting to mount for Evil Empire. As for The Analrapists, well, let’s just say Ted isn’t feeling satisfied by what started mounting up on him.
Science Walrus got bit by the injury bug mid-game as well (Conner’s ankle), but benefitted from Najee Harris’ injury (torn Achilles) and rode Omarion Hampton and Company to victory over Urban Achievers, 125.78 – 101.02, to earn his first win of the season. As for Red, his WR duo of Chase-Nabers looked pretty pedestrian due to awful QB play, something that might plague him going forward if Browning and Wilson are throwing the passes, respectively.
Charles Dickens famously wrote, “It was the best of teams, it was the worst of teams. It was the age of drinking too much, it was the age of stinging too little. It was the epoch of a champion, it was the epoch of a perennial loser. It was the season of Growler Prowler, it was in no way the season of Buzzystinger.” What foresight Dickens had, writing about this Week Three matchup over 160 years in advance and knowing the Prowler would maintain his perch atop The Terrible Ten with a 118.60 – 69.88 thrashing over bottom-dwelling Buzzy. Drink up, Scott, and bask in the win, knowing one of the literary greats had your back.
I don’t think Packer Hater had any injury issues on the field, but I’m guessing his butthole puckered up tighter than a snare drum as he watched Puff’s Punishers’ DET trio screaming up the scoreboard on MNF. Goff, Montgomery, and The Sun God did their best to get Josh over the top, but came up just short to The Hater in a heartbreaker, 135.42 – 135.78. Oof…painful to be so close yet so far away.
And last, my QB Farm Team has been bad this year, but this past week was pretty embarrassing. With the exception of an aging Keenan Allen (who I picked up in the preseason for $4 because everyone had given up on him), no one on my squad wanted to play. That was probably a good thing for ZaWood, who would have lost to much of the league in a week where most of his stars also laid eggs. Zach’s time is cumming, though. Eventually he’ll get that thing primed and ready to shoot live rounds, and then we’ll all yearn for the days of old when he was an easy beat.
Sunday morning game this week, so watch those lineups. Best of luck in Week Four, fellas!
Andy
p.s. I didn’t set out looking for Home Alone gifs, but this one was right next to the one above, and it cracked me the hell up.
The Terrible Ten 