After a relatively quiet first week to the season, Week Two brought the pain. We saw some injuries on TNF with Reed and Ekeler getting dinged (the latter is out for the season), but Sunday was brutal: Fields was concussed, we found out Jayden Daniels has a bum knee, a pair of Vikes are out for the foreseeable future (McCarthy and Jones), and perhaps the biggest hit, Burrow is expected to be down until Decemberish, if he comes back at all.
You know who else is feeling the pain? The lowly QB Farm Team, that’s who. I have quarterback problems of my own, with Brock Purdy holding down the bench for now. Keenan Allen filled my SF spot nicely with 14.60 points on MNF. Unfortunately, two things happened: a) most of my team sucks, and b) I went against a tuned-up Growler Prowler, who damn-near doubled me up, 127.18 – 68.98. Every week is gonna be a Hail Mary for my squad, but Scott made sure to put me in my place in case I’d forgotten.
Not that I’m all alone in my futility. Science Walrus is right there with me, off to a slow start yet again. The primary culprits this season are his “star” wide receivers — Drake London and AJ Brown — who have done next to nothing the first two weeks. Not that it likely mattered when Puff’s Punishers rode a 70-point Goff-Sun God stack on his way to a 154.10 – 105.70 extermination of the Walrus. Brent tried to hang around after the matchup, wanting to shake hands and offer up a “good game,” but The Punisher was having none of it.
As bad as Brent and I have been, we have nothing on old Buzzy. QB play has been brutal (and about to get worse with McCarthy being out 2-4 weeks); McLaurin has been a ghost since getting laid (should say “paid,” but the typo cracked me up); and while Judkins looked good, his limited snap count held him back. That might work against the aforementioned 0-2 chumps, but against Evil Empire? Pfft. Scotty swatted that shit, 142.26 – 52.98, then found something to satiate the hunger he felt after the matchup.
As I type this, I’m seeing a trend: our former champs are tough beats yet again this season. The two Scotts have been unrelenting, but Urban Achievers sits alone atop the heap at 2-0 (based on Points For), this after stomping Packer Hater, 157.88 – 81.04. Methinks (you’re welcome, Red) the Chase-Nabers duo is going to haunt this league for a long time to come. As for Alex, well, I guess he’s technically a former champ too, but only half of one, really. Guess it worked out that he only had half the points of a real champ, amiright?
And last, we cum to ZaWood. Zach stumbled in the season opener, and it was a close matchup this week too (early injury to Burrow, and Laporta missed some time mid-game), but he found his groove just enough to eek out a 116.28 – 102.42 victory over The Analrapists. Word is ZaWood was pretty pumped after the win, finally getting a glimpse of his full potential. Ted? Well, let’s just hope Ted survived the encounter.
Best of luck in Week Three, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 