It all starts with a little hope.
Some teams likely have more than others, but everyone has at least a little bit, no matter how bad previous seasons have gone. A lucky bounce here, a flukey Hail Mary there, maybe a rookie that over-performs, or an injury that takes out a star player while simultaneously making a handcuff viable. All of these and more can have major impacts on the standings (look no further than me being toward the top of the standings, while Zach is toward the bottom despite outscoring me on the season). It’s no easy task to navigate a fantasy football season, and after what seems like a slow build-up to opening week, the season flies by. Suddenly, hope is out the window because, like a flash:
Technically we still have one more week of the regular season, which could lead to a little jockeying for playoff positioning. That being said, we now know who will be in the playoffs, who’s on the outside looking in, and who has first-round byes.
I’d be the first to admit that QB Farm Team’s epic 10-game win streak involved more luck than a leprechaun smoking a shamrock blunt while sitting atop a pot o’ gold. I suppose it would have been nice to keep it up and demolish Puff’s Punishers to make it 11 in a row, but hey, I’d rather stumble now before it really matters. My 89.72 – 115.82 loss was a bit embarrassing and moved me down the standings a notch, but I’ve still got a first-round bye locked up. As such, you won’t hear me complaining about my current spot. After all, I don’t look at it as falling into number 2; rather, I’m embracing number 2 and jumping in feet first.
[Now watch that again, and pay attention.]
So which jackass had to go ahead and leapfrog me in the standings? Yup, you guessed it. The biggest jackass of all: Urban Achievers. Kind of like that itch I got during sophomore year of college, Redman just won’t go away this season. I can’t even blame it on a gimme against the last-place team because The Achievers scored the second most points this week while exterminating Buzzystinger, 140.22 – 110.40. Time will tell if Red’s ascension is for keeps, or some avenging angel can knock him off his perch.
After a fast start to the season, the Baltimore Ravens, er, I mean, Growler Prowler went ice cold. Losers of 4 of the last 5, Other Scott was looking to right the ship and get back to his winning ways. No better way to do that than netting Science Walrus as an opponent. The Prowler made quick work of The Walrus, 156.74 – 89.34, after which Brent tried to mask the pain of another loss by hiding behind humor.
Another team looking to get hot heading into the playoffs is Evil Empire. A favorite to win the damned trophy each and every year, 2024 has been a little up and down for Scotty. His opponent, Packer Hater, was also borderline to make the playoffs. Seemingly waving the white flag before he needed to, Alex started preparing for the future and sold some assets at the trade deadline, weakening his roster enough that Evil Empire could dominate Packer Hater, 132.30 – 116.14. Of course, “forgetting” to start Allen in the QB slot helped too.
And last, after an extremely disappointing open to the season, ZaWood has been cumming on strong lately. This week saw him not only notch his third win in a row, 137.62 – 117.00, but he also ended The Analrapists’ chances of earning a bye week in the playoffs. Sadly for Zach it’s too little too late, as Evil Empire’s win officially knocked the Woodster out of the playoffs. Finally gets that monster engorged, and now he has to beat it back into submission for next season. Sigh.
One more week of the regular season, and then it’s playoff time. Best of luck in Week Fourteen, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 