I was all excited to jump into the newsletter this week when I heard that Sunday, October 27th, 2024 was National Tight Ends Day. I mean, who could blame me for getting a little wound up?!
And so, I went looking for those sweet apple bottoms and pumpkin booties, only to find out it’s a day for celebrating the Tight End position, which just made me angry. You see, no other position in football has been as abysmal this season. It was so bad for me personally, I had to do anything to get out from under Mark “Thank-You-Ted-For-Taking-This-Absolute-Piece-of-Shit-Off-My-Hands” Andrews before I had an aneurysm.
And then, the unthinkable happened: the once-dead position found it had a little life left in its husk of a corpse after all.
I mean, holy shit, take a look at these numbers!
So did these bonkers performances help anyone get over the hump in Week Eight? We’ll talk more about it as we go, but I know from personal experience the QB Farm Team sure appreciated Cade Otton’s 24.60 during the week I was in a cockfight with ZaWood. Ultimately it wasn’t the difference maker — my squad is red hot, and wouldn’t be denied — but it sure ballooned the score in my 163.40 – 131.58 duel with Limpy.
Even better, I scored enough points to leapfrog Redman in the standings, putting me back in my favorite spot: old number two.
Speaking of Redman, his Urban Achievers would have kicked themselves for leaving Pitts’ 23.10 on the bench…if they had been playing a real opponent, anyway. Instead, Red was up against the lowly Science Walrus and beat him in a laugher, 121.94 – 85.52. Poor Brent. He just hasn’t been able to find any traction in 2024.
The question I was dying to find the answer to was “How did Ted do with his new grenade, er, tight end?” Actually, Andrews has been awake for a couple weeks now, and he continued his solid play with 12.10. Unfortunately for The Analrapists, the Evil Empire went full ham on that ass, not only getting 21.80 from Kittle, but also massive points everywhere else, topped off by nearly 50 from his Dak-CeeDee stack en route to a 151.06 – 111.36 victory. Poor Ted found out the hard way what it’s like to cross swords with the champ.
In the matchup of Packer Hater vs Buzzystinger, the TE battle was evenly matched (McBride’s 16.90 for Alex against Njoku’s 14.60 for Bryon). That meant the tiebreak had to come elsewhere, which quickly put Buzzy up against the ropes in this lopsided affair, with Packer Hater coming out on top 121.90 – 98.56.
And last, Growler Prowler has been the team to beat this season, winner of six in a row to stake his claim to the top spot at 6-1 coming into the week. Puff’s Punishers, a perennial top-scorer during the regular season, was also hot after some early-season stumbling, winner of two in a row after finding his mojo. This matchup promised to be a doozy, and it was. The Prowler put up a decent score, but Puffy got almost 65 points from his QB tandem of Hurts and Cousins, which proved to be a little too much for Scott, sending him to his first loss since opening day, 124.08 – 158.30. Sometimes a battle like this leaves one side bitter with the other. Not so with these two. Then again, they each have ways to numb their pain. When they come together, it becomes a party instead of a commiseration.
Best of luck in Week Nine, fellas, and Happy Halloween!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 