For the second week in a row, I’m jumping in the way-back machine, this time to my grade-school days. Everyone here surely remembers the oft-asked question of our youth: What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up? Answers were usually the same: policeman, fireman, astronaut. Jobs that took a ton of education or a ton of personal risk, putting you in position to be some kind of lifesaving hero.
As I got older, I realized I didn’t really want to work that hard (just ask Evil Empire, he’ll tell you). At some point I decided I’d missed my calling. I really should have been a meteorologist, preferably in the San Diego area. I mean, in a job that allows you to suck at your occupation by continually predicting the wrong weather patterns, the folks in San Diego look like effin’ geniuses for doing next to nothing:
A bit of breaking news for you. This week I tendered my resignation after 25 years at Park Nicollet. It’s been a good run, and Scott has been a phenomenal manager, keeping me employed far longer than I deserved. But after a lifetime of searching I finally found a job that’s perfect for me, and I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t take a shot at it. Wish me well, fellas!
On the opposite end of the spectrum, the job I’d least like to have is NFL General Manager. If this game has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know shit about football talent. This was further evidenced in Week Two, as my QB Farm Team (which may need a new name soon) lost to Growler Prowler, 107.48 – 139.16. Sigh. Sad to see it’s not points my QBs are spreading around so far this season.
Science Walrus has been slow out of the gate points-wise this year. Fortunately for him, Buzzystinger is even more inept, losing 64.22 – 94.00, taking a firm grasp of last place and seemingly not giving it up the rest of the way. Afterwards, Bryon offered this brief statement at his post-game news conference:
One team not averse to scoring is Evil Empire, who put up the high score of the week against ZaWood, 151.16 – 109.22. Scotty’s aging vets came through bigtime, scoring almost 65 points behind big days from Kamara and Adams. ZaWood’s offense looked much better this week, but it still wasn’t enough against the league champ. Rumor has it Zach called up his old man after losing his second game in a row, looking for advice on how to get over the top. His answer?
The matchup between The Analrapists and Packer Hater was a battle for the ages. Both teams came in dinged (Addison, Walker, Mostert) and left in even worse shape (new injuries to Tua, Pacheco, Kupp, and JJ). Through it all, Ted eeked out his second victory of the season, 102.80 – 96.40. The price was high, but The Analrapist will try to soldier on in his favorite position: on top.
And last, two of the alpha dogs in The Terrible Ten faced off in an early season fight for dominance. Both teams had letdowns from big names, but Redman scored big with his running backs and bounce-back games from his rookie WRs, earning a 136.80 – 104.16 victory over Puff’s Punishers. When the dust settled, Redman tracked down his opponent at midfield and sent him on his way in the classiest method possible.
Best of luck in Week Three, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 