In a fantasy football season that’s been full of nonstop roster chaos, Round Two was easily the most ho-hum week of the year.
We’ll start with the least important matchup of the week, which saw Growler Prowler destroy my hapless QB Farm Team, 124.46 – 95.08. The win doesn’t mean much for the Prowler outside of securing the x.05 pick in this upcoming rookie draft (one spot ahead of my picks, of which I have none). Methinks it doesn’t matter much to Scott, who’d be making a return trip to the Super Bowl if he hadn’t lost by .4 points last week. I’m sure Mr. P won’t spend any time thinking about that for the next nine months’ worth of offseason…
Only slightly more important was the first annual FAAB Bowl, which pitted Science Walrus against The Analrapist, the winner of which won the $20 pot of 2024 FAAB. While it was nice for Ted to see 23 points from Justin Jefferson after being out so much of the season, it was even nicer for Brent to double him up with 46 from Amari Cooper. The end result had Science Walrus tuskfucking The Analrapist, 128.00 – 97.34, earning his first (kinda-sorta?) title in The Terrible Ten, some extra FAAB to spend next year…oh, and look at that, a little parting treat from Ted as well!
Which brings us to the marquee matchups of Round Two. In our first semifinal game, Puff’s Punishers sought his first trip to the finals with a victory over Urban Achievers. Redman got off to a shaky start, leaving big points from Pickens and Pitts on his bench. That, paired with a negative-point performance from Howell in the SF slot, left him struggling in the Points For column. That works with some opponents (see last week’s game against QB Farm Team), but The Punishers have been too damned good this season to just sneak past. In the end, Redman saw his season go down in flames, 107.98 – 143.76, while Josh finally, mercifully, gets a shot at The Big One.
And last, we had a rematch of last year’s Super Bowl, with Evil Empire and Packer Hater each trying to shake the other en route to shedding the “co-“ from their “champion” moniker. In what was the game of the week — with both teams suffering poor performances from studs while also leaving big points on their benches — Evil Empire’s dominance continued, ousting Packer Hater 114.62 – 103.46 and punching his ticket to an unbelievable fourth Championship Game IN A ROW! I mean seriously guys, ole Scotty’s gonna get bored around here pretty soon.
And with that, we’re down to two matchups — Packer Hater vs Urban Achievers for 3rd place and $50, and Evil Empire vs Puff’s Punishers for a chance at Super Bowl glory and a cum-stained trophy.
Best of luck during Super Bowl week, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 