The Terrible Ten

Blah blah injuries blah blah hard to field a lineup blah blah one and done blah blah FAAB blah blah cream rises to the top blah blah Super Bowl blah blah blah.

For the first time ever in The Terrible Ten, the four worst teams had something to play for while the good teams jockey for the Super Bowl: a $20 FAAB side-bet that adds to their waiver dollars for next season. Redman was sure to mock Science Walrus before the week even started, assuming Brent’s regular-season ineptitude would transfer over to the FAAB Bowl. It looked like a good call after ZaWood put up close to 50 from LaPorta and Higgins during the Saturday games…but The Walrus came back with a vengeance on Sunday, getting decent scores from everyone not named Kincaid, winning 113.50 – 83.36 and advancing to the final round. As for Zach, it’s another disappointing season in a long line of disappointing seasons, leading me to think…

On the other half of the FAAB Bowl semifinals, we had The Analrapist versus Buzzystinger, two good friends in real life, ready to battle to the death in their fantasy life. What seemed like a ho-him laugher coming into the week — Ted having lost five in a row, Bryon being the worst team in the league — turned into a barnburner. In the end, The Analrapist squashed Buzzystinger, 123.20 – 115.46, sending Bryon home despite the surprising effort from his team…

…while Ted gets to think about how he had the top score of the week and would be in the semifinals for the Super Bowl if, you know, his 6-3 team hadn’t finished 6-8.

$20 of FAAB aside, there was *real* fantasy football to be played this weekend (is “real fantasy” a thing? I digress…).

As exciting as the previous matchup was, I don’t recall having a playoff matchup as titillating as Packer Hater versus Growler Prowler. Fresh off a six-game win streak, The Prowler was the hottest team in the first round, ready to make a push for a second championship in five years. But then news came that Keenan Allen was gonna miss TNF, followed by the good BRob being out over the weekend, and while Scott still put up one helluva fight, Packer Hater was a fraction of a point better, earning the 120.88 – 120.48 victory with a late Devonta Smith catch on MNF. Just a brutal way to have a season end for Scott.

As for Alex, the win was a bit of redemption, beating a dominant team while trying to stake his claim as the lone champ in 2023.

And last, league villain Urban Achievers went up against the Cinderella story, QB Farm Team. It’s been an ugly season for Redman, who previously lost both starting QBs for the season while also dealing with short-term injuries along the way. If ever there was a time that Urban Achievers could be had, this was it. Unfortunately, my injury-plagued squad was down Stroud and Collins, and started five new players I hadn’t used all year prior to last week and this week. While the QB Farm Team made it more interesting than it had a right to, the better team won as Urban Achievers took me down, 101.54 – 90.40. In our postgame get-together, Redman was gracious as always.

As for me, I’m counting down the days until trades are available again. As always, the QB Farm Team keeps successfully raising superb dynasty quarterbacks. Under my tutelage, Stroud and Purdy became elite. Time to get them the fuck off my roster.

Reminder: this week it’s Science Walrus against The Analrapist in the FAAB Bowl.

Also, remember this vote?

That means QB Farm Team takes on Growler Prowler to see who gets the better pick in next year’s draft. Because Scott and I are degenerates when it comes to trading, it just so happens Zach already has both of these first-round picks. So much for making this a fun way to handle pick placement. As the wise man Gabriel Cash once said, “This whole thing…”

Best of luck in Round Two, fellas!

Andy