Dell. Charbonnet. Stevenson. Henry. Pickett. Brian Robinson. Hollywood. Cooper. Lawrence. And the injury list keeps going. Honest to god, it was like a damned M*A*S*H* unit under the blue tent this week.
This has been a very tricky season of fantasy football, with some of us unable to navigate the choppy waters:
While others found a way to win despite the obstacles in their path:
Maybe no other game this week showed the highs and lows of fantasy football more than Puff’s Punishers vs Packer Hater. The Hater was already bit by the injury bug before the week started (Walker, Andrews, Akers, and Big Mike Williams). This week saw mid-game injuries to Stevenson, Hollywood, and Watson. Not that it would have mattered. Puffy didn’t have a miss in his lineup — everyone in double digits, solid QB play, and monster games from his WRs — helping him to a 179.58 – 97.42 destruction of Packer Hater. The win pretty much locks up the other first-round bye for Josh; as for Alex, the loss means a longer road to a (co?) repeat. Not impossible, but hopefully the injuries and late-season losses don’t have him crying over what might have been.
Others were busy punching their tickets to the playoffs, including Urban Achievers. Red has also been no stranger to injuries this season, but has weathered the storm and finds himself back in the mix for a ‘ship. Science Walrus, aka The King of Injuries, aka Week Thirteen loser by a score of 111.52 – 143.78, has not been so lucky in 2023. Or, I guess, in any other season for that matter. It really makes you wonder…
Another team that’s surprisingly playoff-bound is Growler Prowler, who started the season 3-5 before going on a massive winning streak, capped off by this week’s 137.38 – 72.56 win over the wilted Woodster. With a championship already under his belt, the Prowler has shown he knows how to get it done in crunch time; ZaWood, on the other hand, has no championship under his belt…nor, at this point, anything resembling his namesake. Perhaps with a little TLC (and hitting on his 32 picks in next year’s draft), 2024 will be The Year of ZaWood?
At 6-3, The Analrapist was on the cusp of securing a playoff spot weeks ago. My, how the tables have turned. Ted has now lost four in a row, this week to league-leader, Evil Empire, by a score of 94.18 – 153.06. The win means nothing to Scotty — he secured a first-round bye weeks ago — but the loss for Ted drops him out of the playoff picture and into the 7 spot. I mean, we knew Ted liked it from behind, but this has gotten a little slippery, er, silly.
So who catapulted ahead of Ted for that final playoff spot?
*checks notes*
Wait, does that say…?
*adjusts glasses*
Well, I’ll be goddamned. With a 105.52 – 55.06 victory over the last-place Buzzystinger, my QB Farm Team’s fourth win in a row has me back in the thick of it. Now don’t get me wrong, none of the other playoff teams are scared of me winning this thing. I’ve proven to be a steaming Number Two throughout our league’s playoff history. Frankly, I’m more scared of ZaWood getting sweet retribution next week when he plays spoiler to all my dick jokes of past seasons, and I end up with Number One instead…
Best of luck in Week Fourteen, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 