Ten weeks into a truly bonkers fantasy football season, and everything is finally starting to clear up. The studs are running away with it, the duds have assumed their position at the bottom of the heap, and the playoff bracket is essentially set it stone.
While I’m guessing it’s a bit of a mid-season anomaly, we seem to be experiencing quite the opposite of a “sure thing” lately. For instance, three weeks ago my QB Farm Team was already dead and buried, while Puff’s Punishers was riding high at 6-1 atop the standings. The Punishers looked to solidify their position by adding my beloved Amon-Ra St. Brown for the championship run…before going on a three-game losing streak, the latest of which was to yours truly, 137.48 – 83.78. Suddenly that “late” 2024 1st ain’t looking so bad anymore. Oh, and I got two more 1sts in that deal too?! Huh.
Despite an early-season injury to Justin Jefferson and continually playing QB roulette, The Analrapists are very much in the hunt. A win this week against the lowly Science Walrus might have gotten Ted into the top three and given him some breathing room. But, a funny thing happened the past few weeks. After starting the season an abysmal 0-7, the Walrus is on a tear, capped off this week by his third win in a row, 93.56 – 84.58. So, while there was some ass-fucking to be had, the roles were a bit reversed. That, uh, sure looks like fun Ted.
[Credit where credit is due: last week Scotty shone a light on penguin sodomy in a different league’s newsletter. Couldn’t pass it up when The Analrapists were involved.]
Packer Hater was our last undefeated team of the season, starting out 6-0 and staking a brief claim on the top spot. Since then? Well, since then he’s been 1-3, which includes his most recent loss to Growler Prowler, 110.00 – 126.64. Now, the Prowler has been flirting with that last playoff spot all season, so there’s not much shame in losing to him. But 1-3 over the last four matchups, the only win being a squeaker against my awful team?!
Even the bottom teams are still jockeying for position: ZaWood needs to string together some wins to stay in the playoff hunt, and Buzzy needs to keep stringing some losses together so he can get a high draft pi—.
Regardless of Buzzy not having that coveted pick for a reload, this matchup played out like both teams would normally want it to go, with ZaWood swatting Buzzystinger, 82.32 – 80.94. Not a thrilling victory by any stretch of the imagination, but the Woodster is feeling mighty fine this morning after cumming up with two wins in a row.
Last, and tiresomely not least, Evil Empire is the only one who got the memo on winning this damned thing. He was victorious this week, again, beating Urban Achievers, 185.56 – 128.10. That means he also had the top weekly score, again. And he’s in first place overall, again. And he already clinched a playoff spot, AGAIN, earning the asterisk next to his name in the standings. In the chat, Red asked if the asterisk was a bleached asshole. I figured everyone knew what it meant, but ole Skeletor was of the same mindset as the Achievers on this one. Must be a champion thing.
Best of luck in Week Eleven, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 