Man oh man, this has been a week. I can’t even put my finger on what it is, exactly, other than that I tired my old-ass out over the weekend getting our yard, patio, etc ready for winter, and then managed to catch a bug earlier today. So I find myself in the unenviable position of starting this newsletter at 10PM on Wednesday night and wanting so badly to do my once-annual beg-off.
But I won’t. They tell me champions never quit. I wouldn’t know, as I’ve only ever gotten to Second Place in The Terrible Ten, but that’s what they tell me. So I said some prayers and took my vitamins, trying to pump myself up for the newsletter.
But really, can you fault me for not being jazzed for the Week Seven results? I mean, even though Redman lost a large swath of starters to injuries and the bye week, my QB Farm Team was still a considerable dog to his Urban Achievers. But then Gibbs finally had a good game, and Downs followed suit, and suddenly the unthinkable was possible — I was going into MNF with a decent chance of beating CMC with my Purdy-Aiyuk stack. Things looked ok early, but then my guys started to flounder, capped off by a late Purdy INT that let the Achievers off the hook, 114.02 – 110.64. I can’t help but feel I let the league down by allowing Redman to continue to climb the standings unchecked, gifting him a win. For my part, I’m sorry for getting your hopes up and dashing them.
You know who else is sick of this shit already? The damned Science Walrus, that’s who. Despite entering the season as a team who should have been able to tally some points, Brent has proved time and again that he couldn’t score in a two-bit whorehouse. This week’s 80.96 – 125.44 loss to Growler Prowler just about gave him the low score of the week while keeping him in the cellar at 0-7 on the year. Nothing scientific about what’s happening. The effort just isn’t there anymore.
Notice I said Brent *almost* had the low score of the week. That’s because ZaWood is firmly (flaccidly?) on the “Week Seven sucked” side of the fence after a terrible 74.50 – 91.14 loss to The Analrapists. What was absolutely a winnable game for the Woodster became a shriveled embarrassment after Bijan scored .3 points and Watson went for -1.80?! Woof. Since then, Zach has been holed up in bed, waiting for his mojo to come back. Let’s take a live look and see if he’s found it:
Then we come to the next sad-sack in The Terrible Ten: the punchless Buzzystinger. It actually wasn’t too bad of a week for Bryon, being he got points from numerous unlikely places. He no doubt figured he’d be high enough with 109.68 points. Unfortunately, Puff’s Punishers spent a pile of picks to upgrade his already potent arsenal, going even higher than Buzzy (137.50), unleashing his new weaponry in full.
Jesus. What a depressing newsletter. Let’s try to go out on a positive note, shall we? Hmm, let’s see. Well, I can’t talk about Packer Hater. I mean, he was undefeated prior to this week, but got exposed for the charlatan he is.
So that leaves us with the greatest guy, the best boss, the coolest cat, and the finest FF player in the history of mankind, Evil Empire! Six teams tried to take down Packer Hater before now. Six teams failed. But Scotty didn’t blink as he stood before his opponent and throttled him, 124.86 – 105.66. If only he’d been as unflinching on his way back home to Snake Mountain after the victory.
Best of luck in Week Eight, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 