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Hello, and welcome back to Wheel of Misfortune! I’m your host, Corny Commish, and we’ve got a doozy of a puzzle going. Let’s get right back to the action, shall we? Vanna, please remind the viewers where we left off:
It was nice to have a little break from the insanity in Week Five, but it appears we’re right back to the “new normal” this past week. Some of the above names lucked out and appear to be week-to-week after what looked like longer injuries. Unfortunately, the electric Indy QB, Anthony Richardson, will now be placed on IR for the season and undergo shoulder surgery. This keeps up, it’ll be hard for NFL and FF teams alike to field a damned team anymore!
Just ask the lowly Science Walrus, who not only lost his sixth matchup in a row, 103.04 – 153.98 to the still-undefeated Packer Hater, but is also looking at a possible future that includes zero healthy QBs on his roster. Normally news like that would be devastating to a GM, but Brent seems to be taking it in stride.
The other half of the TT co-championship, Evil Empire, continued his winnings ways, spreading manure all over my QB Farm Team, 110.02 – 88.76. Scotty toyed with me through three quarters on MNF with Ekeler, Lamb, Dak, and Pollard. Like a true villain, he offered false hope before dropping the hammer and exerting his will. Afterward, he called the win a whale of a good time; I should have known it wasn’t that easy when it came to the Evil Empire.
The Analrapists might be without JJ, but Ted didn’t miss a beat in his 128.82 – 95.74 blackout of Growler Prowler. Ted may have missed on Baker’s 6.84, but with lackluster play from Nacua, Kmet, and Cook, as well as the injury to Justin Fields, the Prowler just didn’t have enough ammo to win this battle. Lord knows Scott had plenty of reasons to drink after the matchup. Methinks he chose the wrong opponent to let his guard down with though…
[At least it looks like Ted was gentle.]
Man oh man. Ain’t no one wants to admit it, least of all me, but it looks like Urban Achievers has shed the early-season rust and is smoothly firing on all cylinders. I mean, you know you’re fucked when ATL actually uses Kyle Pitts! The end result was a 134.58 – 73.00 extermination of Buzzystinger. Post-loss the fire sale started quickly, with Diggs and Henry on the block (and Diggs has already been snatched up by Packer Hater). The hive was already getting bare to begin with; it could be downright desolate in the near future.
And last, ZaWood was riding high after crushing yours truly last week. This week? Well, this week he went up against a real opponent. The end result was Puff’s Punishers deflating ZaWood, 124.44 – 102.96. Now, it seems obvious to the rest of us where Zach’s power comes from, but it appears he honestly hadn’t put two and two together before now. Believe it or not, I was there when the lightbulb finally went on and he came to a hard (soft?) realization. It was just…sad.
Best of luck in Week Seven, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 