Well, well, well. It took five weeks for it to happen, but the studs finally came out to play.
We still had some lesser names sneak through with big games — Howell, Ridder, and Moss leading the way — but Week Five saw huge scores from players we’ve come to expect it from.
If you’re looking for an example, you need look no further than Urban Achievers. After starting out slow, Redman moved to 2-2 last week with a top-ten scoring finish in league history. This week? Well, this week he had his way with The Analrapists, 216.50 – 104.88, easily attaining the single-week scoring record in The Terrible Ten. Chase led the way, scoring more points than he had the previous four weeks combined, but it was truly a team effort; Ted, on the other hand, scored 100+ points and somehow got doubled-up in spite of it, leaving him feeling like that poor bastard at the end of Trading Places.
Packer Hater continued his winning ways, staying undefeated after squashing Buzzystinger, 122.00 – 51.26. This matchup ended up being won and lost with the QBs. Alex scored 55 points between Allen and Goff, helping to boost his score for the week; Buzzy also had 55 points from Mac Jones and Danny Dimes…if, uh, you stuck a decimal in the middle. I guess it’s fair to say Buzzy struggles with equations when his current setup is Dimes minus Brady plus Pickett minus Rodgers minus Fields plus Mac minus Purdy. No possible way that adds up to a win.
Puff’s Punishers stumbled last week, but quickly got back on track. While Tyreek and Hurts led the charge, it was a solid effort across the board (minus the miss of leaving Aaron Jones in the lineup on MNF). Ultimately it didn’t matter when Growler Prowler displayed his open drunkenness in this 79.78 – 141.18 debacle. Time to sober up, sir, and figure yourself out.
Science Walrus and Evil Empire had some big scores from the likes to Kittle, Goedert, and Moss…but all of them were on the teams’ respective benches. Doh! In what was the only remotely close matchup of the week, Evil Empire eeked out the victory, 94.72 – 87.92, keeping pace with the big dogs while putting the final nail in the coffin on Brent’s season.
Unfortunately for the QB Farm Team, there weren’t any huge points from anyone outside of Brock Purdy (whom Brent raved about when I made, and I quote, “the best trade ever” by sniping him from Buzzy). I figured I was in trouble after DJ Moore exploded for 45.00 points on TNF, and I wasn’t wrong. I could make excuses about having Gibbs and The Sun God out for the week, or losing Tank Dell partway through a game, but hell, I gotta give credit where credit is due: ZaWood erected a rock-hard unit and battered the hell out of me en route to a 166.92 – 102.24 climax. Needless to say, the win has moved Zach out of the depths of despair and back to enjoying life again.
Best of luck in Week Six, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 