I hope you all had a happy holiday season! Mine was busier than usual. On top of all the Christmas festivities, I received a call from Commissioner Goodell this past weekend. It appears there’s a thief in our midst, and he was looking for some help from his other commissioners. And so I bring this issue to you and ask for your help, especially Science Walrus. Any chance you know where we can find this criminal?
I mean, what the hell is going on in Denver?! Remember how excited everyone was at the prospect of Sutton, Jeudy, and Company having a “real” quarterback to throw to them?! I assume Brent was happy at the prospect. I know I targeted him in my redraft this year (and was pissed that I got outbid). And that’s not just two FF clowns getting it wrong. Remember this from ESPN?
This trade wasn’t quite to Herschel Walker standards, but I’ll be damned if it’s not right up there. And, the even greater issue facing Denver is that they’re completely stuck with Wilson for at least a couple more years. Check out the numbers if they decide to move along from him!
All of which means I’ll likely have him on my team when I trade Fields to Brent this off-season. You heard it here first, folks.
Thank you for indulging me in my Russ Wilson incredulity. Don’t know why I care — not sure I’ve ever used him in fantasy, and I’m not a SEA or DEN fan — but wow is he tough to watch.
You know what else was tough to watch? Our semifinal matchups, because a) I wasn’t in them for the first time in this league’s existence, and b) they were pretty lopsided affairs.
The matchup with the most intrigue was Evil Empire vs. Urban Achievers, a rematch of last year’s Super Bowl III. Both teams came into the matchup a little banged up, although Redman would likely argue the injury scale was tipped a bit further in his direction.
As nasty as the injury bug was for Redman in 2022, he had a good portion of his starters available for the matchup. Unfortunately, he had Buzzystinger syndrome this week: decent NFL stats, but largely uninspiring FF stats. That, coupled with massive games from Dak, Lamb, Hockenson, and Mahomes from the Evil Empire, was enough to end the reigning champ’s push for a repeat, losing 94.10 – 147.34. Urban Achievers has already taken the loser’s mentality, stating it’s all about 2023…
…while Evil Empire has his eyes on the only thing that still matters.
Well, that, and a full wallet.
The win puts Evil Empire back in the finals for the third (!!) year in a row. The only thing left to figure out is who’d be joining him in the big dance.
The other semifinal matchup showcased regular-season beast, Puff’s Punishers, against the upstart Packer Hater, who went from the bottom of the heap to SB contender with some shrewd off-season moves. No doubt about it, Alex was feeling confident as he entered the ring this week.
Unfortunately for the Punishers, the backwards hat proved to be the stone that took down the league’s Goliath, as Packer Hater felled the giant, 126.88 – 99.86, putting Alex over the top and into the Super Bowl for the first time!
One more week to go, gents. No downtime for rest. No stupid interviews asking about which cartoon character you think is the cutest (dumb question anyway…everyone knows it’s The Baroness). It’s go time, as we find out who gets their entry fee back in the consolation matchup between Urban Achievers and Puff’s Punishers, and more importantly, who will rule the Terrible Ten for the next year: Evil Empire or Packer Hater. I don’t play favorites in these things, but the idea of boxing up that trophy and sending it to sunny California makes my butthole pucker.
Best of luck during Super Bowl week, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 