I don’t recall a more tumultuous week of football from both an NFL and fantasy perspective. Multiple games were decided in OT, the Vikes completed the greatest comeback in NFL history, and the Patriots completely shit the bed on the final play of regulation. No matter how many times I see it unravel, I still shake my head in wonder.
How many bad decisions can a team make on a single play?! The least egregious was the boring play call with 60 yards to go (draw play…yawn). Stevenson made a go of it, but really shouldn’t have pitched a lateral to Meyers for fear of a turnover. OT was waiting in the wings, after all. But then Meyers does the unthinkable: a pass across his body, halfway across the field…to Mac fucking Jones?! Maybe you try that nonsense if you have a QB like Fields, or a burner WR like Tyreek. Oh, and someone who can throw the ball! But a pass to an immobile QB with 97 rushing yards on the season?!
With so much chaos, the games created all kinds of waves for fantasy managers. How many people thought they were sunk after watching the Vikes do absolutely nothing for almost 2.5 quarters, only to see the big-name players have monster games when the final whistle blew? How many people got effed by points taken off the board — multiple Vikes TDs called back by the refs, Brian Robinson losing a TD after a formation penalty on Terry McLaurin, Aaron Jones getting stopped at the goal line at the end of the Packers game, only to have Rodgers take a knee to close things out. It was truly a maddening weekend to watch the scores come in.
No one felt this more than Science Walrus and Urban Achievers. The two squads battled back and forth all weekend, with Science Walrus getting off to an early (if modest) lead on the backs of CMC, Geno, and Metcalf. While the trio didn’t exceed their projections, they also didn’t underperform, leaving Brent feeling so-so heading into the meat of the schedule.
But, like a persistent case of genital warts, Redman kept coming back: a 40-point Burrow-Chase stack, a 20-point effort by Latavius Murray (sorry, Brent), a massive game from AJ Brown (that one’s on you, Walrus). In the end, despite just sneaking into the playoffs and having a roster decimated by injury (did you see the bit where he started Latavius fucking Murray?!), Urban Achievers snuck past Science Walrus by the slimmest of margins, 128.82 – 127.64. If only Jakobi Meyers hadn’t thrown that INT and the Raiders had gone to OT, maybe Josh Jacobs could have gotten you that measly point, eh Bert?
Truly a heartbreaker, wasn’t it, Bert?!
Bet that loss made you angry, huh, Bert?!
OK, OK, I’ll stop. I fully understand the disappointment our friend Brent is going through. Or wait, I guess I don’t. I mean, I haven’t won the trophy either, but at least I got to the finals twice and cashed out the last three years. You really do suck, Bert!
Ok, this time I’m done. Sorry to drag that out, but our other matchup, Packer Hater vs Buzzystinger, was nowhere near as exciting. Initially it looked like we might have some drama when Bill Belichick activated Rhamondre Stevenson but did not start him, leaving The Hater a little perturbed:
But Alex needn’t have worried. Once Stevenson entered the game, he dominated throughout.
That, and even if Rhamondre *had* ridden the pine and Alex had taken a bagel, he *still* would have swatted Buzzystinger, whose team put up some nice NFL stats but lackluster fantasy points, leading to a 125.34 – 87.98 laugher of a game. Hopefully Alex can get off the injury report in time for his upcoming semifinal matchup. Rumor has it he was none too sportsmanlike after his victory over Bryon.
Which leaves us with some spectacular matchups this coming week: Puff’s Punishers (1) gets to take on Swiss-cheese dick, aka Packer Hater (4); and the other semifinal matchup is a rematch of last year’s Super Bowl, pitting Evil Empire (2) against Urban Achievers (6).
Best of luck in Round Two, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 