*Man* did that season go by quickly! One moment you’re drafting rookies and your team is all shiny and new; the next moment you’re writing the last full newsletter of the season. Time goes so damned fast these days. Geesh.
It was a bittersweet season for me. I was laden with vets, and had added Chubb in the off-season, hoping to make one final push for the playoffs. After coming in a weak 3-3 through six weeks, I knew it was time for a change. The next few off-seasons should be fun (assuming I can be patient enough to hold onto my picks for once), but it sure as hell wasn’t fun finishing 0-8 after selling off most of my assets. The final gimme went to Packer Hater, who finished a stout 9-5 on the season. So happy that Alex could turn it around from last year’s abysmal performance, fueled in part by stomping me twice, the damned bully!
Poor Ted. I mean, just…just poor, poor Ted. Our resident Analrapist was clipping right along with a nice season — 6-4 through ten weeks of games — and then the bottom fell out. It was essentially impossible for him to make the playoffs after dropping three in a row, and this week’s finale was a reminder that if Ted didn’t have bad luck, he wouldn’t have any luck at all. I mean, dude scores the second most points of the week and *still* loses his matchup to Science Walrus, 158.68 – 124.96. Here he is post-game, completely shell-shocked, watching the playoffs fade into the distance.
Normally a battle between Puff’s Punishers and Urban Achievers is a grudge match for the ages — Josh and Redman go just about all the way back to the womb, after all — but this week’s matchup lacked a little luster. After all, Josh was guaranteed a bye, and Redman was staying roughly where he was regardless of outcome. Both teams put up decent scores, but Puff’s Punishers finished his dominant regular-season with yet another win, bankrupting Urban Achievers, 114.88 – 99.94. As “meh” as that is, anything can happen in the playoffs. Josh has done this a couple times before in the regular season, and then been summarily bounced in his first playoff game; and, as we know, Redman just snuck into the playoffs last year and, well, there’s no doubt what’s on his mind right now.
Hot off his first win of the year, ZaWood was ready to start building some momentum heading into the off-season. Sadly, it wasn’t meant to be. The massive blood-rush to his rager left him worn out this week, and Buzzy was able to bury his stinger into Zach’s flaccid remains, 94.98 – 81.64. Such a shame. Just when the Woodster thought he was getting the hang of that darned thing, his big unit wouldn’t come through in the clutch.
And last, who woulda thunk so much would be riding on a game involving Growler Prowler?! Not only would a win by Scott P. push Science Walrus into a 2nd Place bye, but it would also give Redman a better pick in next year’s rookie draft (and who wouldn’t want that?! 🙄). What seemed an impossibility going into the week — after all, Growler Prowler was going against current 2nd Place team, Evil Empire — became a very real option when Scott P. needed roughly 9 points from Kyler Murray on MNF to pull off the improbable upset. Piece of cake, amiright?! If only Growler Prowler hadn’t tempted the fantasy gods with this bit of Nostradamus-like prescience:
Oof. Pretty much called it, as Murray went down on the third play of the game and Growler Prowler fell to Evil Empire, 83.58 – 91.54, finishing 2022 with a gasp and a splutter and just as much spilt beer as tears cried.
And with that, the 2022 Regular Season has come to a close. Puff’s Punishers and Evil Empire have earned first-round byes, giving them a much-needed week off. This week’s matchups feature Science Walrus (3) vs Urban Achievers (6), and Packer Hater (4) vs Buzzystinger (5). Both matchups should be pretty damned good, so it looks like we’re in for a fun weekend of football.
Best of luck in Round One, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 