This week I’m going to bypass the regularly scheduled introduction to talk about the record-setting weekend enjoyed by Evil Empire. Some of you likely don’t think a former champ needs any more ego-stroking. Me? I’m fair to middling at my job, so I’ll assume the position and build up The World’s Greatest Boss any chance I get.
Evil Empire already owned the single greatest individual performance in league history with Jonathan Taylor’s 51.90 points in Week Eleven last season. But, because Scott is also The World’s Greatest Fantasy Football Player, he shattered his own record this week with Joe Mixon’s 53.10 points. How can one man be so good at so many aspects of life?!
Now, the monster week from Mixon didn’t guarantee a win (just ask my brother, whose weird-scoring league got him 60.10 points from Mixon…and he still lost), but this is The World’s Greatest Human we’re talking about here. Not only did he have the huge week from Mixon, but also 34.14 points from Mahomes and 31.60 points from Davante Adams, all of which lead to a 162.14 – 104.52 beatdown of league leader Puff’s Punishers and gave Evil Empire the 9th highest weekly score of all-time. Now if you’ll excuse me, I hear Scotty singing to me from down the hall. Commish has work to do.
[Side note: when I typed the above paragraph, it originally auto-corrected my compliment to “World’s Greatest Hymen.” It’s almost like WordPress knows you, Osterloh.]
Ok, teeth are freshly brushed, so let’s continue, shall we?
Only seems right to go from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. ZaWood put up some major points last week, making you think he’s *got* to get a win soon, right? Wrong. Not only did The Analrapist outscore him, 113.88 – 83.06, but Zach also slid to the bottom of the pile by putting up the lowest weekly score yet again. At 0-9 on the season, time is running out on his turtle head ever coming out of its shell.
Not that I can say much. If it weren’t for ZaWood, I’d have been bringing up the rear with a dismal 89.48 – 105.32 loss to Growler Prowler. And hell, if it hadn’t been for Justin Fields (read: not Mac Jones) scoring half my points, I may have beat the all-time low score in this league. As it was, Growler Prowler ended his losing streak while I sharted a streak of my own.
Believe it or not, we *did* have some good matchups in Week Nine. The projected game of the week was ScienceWalrus vs Urban Achievers. Both teams were slotted to score 107 points, which ended up being close to the mark. By week’s end, the rash of injuries for Urban Achievers proved to be too much to overcome, as ScienceWalrus came out on top, 106.10 – 93.34. The win put Brent in my favorite spot — 2nd place — while Redman tumbled down the standings to 5th. I tried to bust his balls about being on the edge of missing the playoffs, but Redman played it cool. After all, he won from the 6-spot last year.
And last, Packer Hater got back in the win column with a 111.58 – 100.04 swatting of Buzzystinger. While the win ended a skid for Alex and catapulted him back into the playoff picture, it came at a price. Josh Allen hurt his elbow, leaving the QB day-to-day heading into Week Ten. The injury was blamed on a hit while throwing, but I think we know what really happened here.
Best of luck in Week Ten, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 