Well, well, well…it took eight weeks, but the dawgs finally got to feast. Big-name RBs have been a bit of a disappointment this season (Najee Harris, anyone?). Until now, we haven’t seen a week with massive points from numerous backs all at once. Kamara led the charge in our league, but Henry, Chubb, and Cook were all up there too. Lesser names like Foreman, Pollard, and Etienne also joined the mix. Perhaps the most impressive game was from CMC, who became the first player in quite some time to throw, rush, and receive a TD in the same game. And here I thought he was a sucker play this week against one of the better run defenses in the league.
Fortunately, I shipped CMC to ScienceWalrus a couple years back, and Brent knew just what to do with him, using the versatile RB to crush Packer Hater, 130.78 – 96.46. It was Alex’s second loss in a row, dropping him to 4-4 after a strong start to the season. Demoralized, Packer Hater cried and cried and cried about his lot in life…not that ScienceWalrus paid him any mind.
Let’s see, who else can I take partial credit for? I think we’ll roll with Urban Achievers, who’ve used my picks (Etienne) and trades (Burrow) to bolster his championship roster to even greater heights. While Evil Empire had a massive day from another of my alums, Alvin Kamara, the matchup was a replay of our last Super Bowl, with Redman entering as the underdog and leaving as the victor, this time by a score of 135.86 – 118.00. Pretty amazing stuff that the Urban Achievers have overcome injuries to the likes of Javonte Williams and Breece Hall, as well as nonexistent play from Kyle Pitts and Najee Harris, to climb all the way into 2nd place. Truly, this champ’s heart is shining brightly.
I can’t take much credit for Puff’s Punishers — Josh has marched to the beat of his own drum in this league, and it’s paid off with regular-season success — but I certainly helped solidify his position atop the league by shipping him Deandre Hopkins a couple weeks back. Yet again, he came up with a weekly high score, this time against the still winless ZaWood, 155.58 – 125.46. Poor Zach. Finally scores some points and gets the flagpole moving in the right direction, only to lose his mojo by the time it’s all over. Damn thing’s all discombobulated this year.
Perhaps the team with the biggest Bedshitter footprint is The Analrapist. Can there be any doubt trading him Michael Carter last season and CEH this season is the only thing keeping him in the win column?! I think not. Take this week, for instance. Carter’s 8.10 and CEH’s bye-week break just snuck Ted past Growler Prowler, 111.34 – 97.36. Not every day a guy is gifted not one but *two* RB1’s. A “thank you” might be nice, Ted.
In the end, I have to accept that there’s no more accurate measure of my (inept) greatness than my own Team Bedshitter. When your team’s claim to fame is having a milf slayer doing all the scoring (while not on an actual football field), you know you’re in trouble. While Buzzystinger certainly didn’t need my former RB1 Chubb to do his dirty work, it certainly helped balloon his score to its final landing place, 138.74 – 73.68.
So yeah, my season’s over while you all reap the benefits. Let’s just agree to leave it at that, shall we? I promise you, I’m not interested in being consoled. You’ve been warned.
Best of luck in Week Nine, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 