Getting a late start on the newsletter again this week — life seems to be moving with the Fast Forward button in full effect — and it hit me that the regular season is already halfway done. How is that possible? Seems like we just got the ball rolling!
Some of us will be playing longer than the regular season, and it’s safe to say Puff’s Punishers will be one of those teams. The newly minted Team Bedshitter, on the other hand, is definitely not going any further than Week 14, as evidenced by the first post-fire-sale-game-against-a-team-not-named-ZaWood thrashing, 95.22 – 54.40. While I was sure to rub Zach’s nose in shit over his historic low score last week, I’ll be flabbergasted if I don’t break that low mark by season’s end.
Speaking of ZaWood, you gotta figure he’ll snag a win one of these weeks, right?! While his team nearly doubled its output from last week, he found himself in the unenviable position of playing Science Walrus, this week’s high scorer. The result was a 129.44 – 74.02 tuskfucking that kept Zach winless at the midway point…and shriveled him up to his lowest point yet. In fact, I got a call from Mrs. Wood after MNF, and let’s just say she was not a happy camper when they crawled into bed that night.
Alright, enough with the bad fantasy football. Let’s get to the good stuff, shall we? The best matchup of the weekend pitted powerhouses Evil Empire versus Packer Hater as they fought to keep pace with Puff’s Punishers. The two juggernauts fought tooth and nail down to the wire, but Evil Empire snuck past Packer Hater, 110.70 – 101.64. The win makes Scott the only 5-2 team, while Alex’s loss dumps him back into the mess of teams at 4-3. If only Goff and Andrews had managed to score more than 1.92 points, eh Packer Hater?!
Next up, we have a couple more teams trying to separate themselves from the pack. Ted’s Analrapists started the season hot, but have faltered of late; Bryon’s Buzzystinger takes one step forward, one step back with up and down QB play from his aging vets. In the (ass) end, Buzzy proved to be the alpha male in this matchup, poking his opponent, 119.66 – 96.02, and handing Ted his third loss in a row. Ouch!
Last, we had a helluva matchup between two league champs. Growler Prowler is struggling again record-wise, but it’s been a weird year for Scott — he has the same number of Points For as the 2nd place Evil Empire, but has the most Points Against in the league. This week he put up a nice total score…but Urban Achievers had a monster week despite a bagel from Doubs and the requisite meaningless game from Pitts. When the dust settled, Redman drained the Growler, 129.36 – 114.36, leaving Scott with an empty feeling when it comes to his chances in 2022. If you need him he’ll be over in the corner, trying to figure out where it all went wrong.
Best of luck in Week Eight, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 