Sorry for the delay in this week’s newsletter. Time kind of got away from me with how busy we’ve been at Casa Monge — conferences at the kids’ school, doctor and dentist appts, Evil Empire squeezing every last drop of work out of me that he can (and fellas, it’s an unenviable task because I’m as worthless at work as I am at fantasy football). Worst of all, we’ve been working through myriad issues at school with our ten-year-old, one of which centers on some bullying. Never fun to watch your kid struggle, starting off a new school year on some troll’s radar, then getting in trouble himself for reacting to it all. It’s not easy being a parent, I tell ya.
Speaking of bullies, Puff’s Punishers has been living up to its name this year, putting the hurt on everyone who gets in Josh’s way. This week’s victim was The Analrapist, who assumed the position and got spanked 117.82 – 83.48. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mock Ted for not having an active TE in his lineup, but ultimately it didn’t matter: his horses just weren’t on the ball this week.
Then again, who the hell am I to talk? I was involved in one of the worst matchups in league history. As bad as Ted was, my squad was even worse. Part of that was pulling the plug on my season and selling top assets like Chubb, Kamara, and Lawrence prior to Sunday’s games; part of it was my remaining players stinking up the joint.
Yet somehow, some way, my 69.24 points were enough to earn a win. How, you ask? Because ZaWood’s team scored the lowest tally in Terrible Ten history, coming in at 43.60 points. I mean, I all but gave Zach his first win on a silver platter, and the best he could do was suckcum to Prince of Bell-Helaire and fall to 0-6 on the season?! Oy. At this point, ZaWood’s member is so dead he’ll try anything to kickstart it back into working order.
While none of the other matchups were as godawful as the previous one, we had some additional laughers this week. First, Urban Achievers got back to his winning ways, whacking Buzzystinger, 129.56 – 83.26. With Redman’s Burrow-Chase stack coming on strong, Breece Hall turning into a top-5 RB, and a silly amount of additional weapons waiting in the wings, there’s every reason to believe the champ is finding his footing. Bryon, on the other hand? Not so much.
Even worse was Growler Prowler’s effort, which was barely half of Packer Hater’s score, 72.98 – 139.50. Alex’s team was on the rise anyway, but some fortuitous injuries to other players in the league have bolstered Alex’s roster even more, unleashing Stevenson and Walker on the rest of us. Poor Scott, on the other hand, is back to his losing ways after a brief taste of winning. Here’s hoping he can get out of the bottom of a bottle before our jolly friend finds himself at the bottom of the standings in December.
And last, the only exciting matchup this week was between Science Walrus and Evil Empire. Their battle was close the whole time, leading to a Goedert vs Lamb showdown on SNF. Through most of the game it looked like Brent was gonna pull off the victory, but a late catch by CeeDee Lamb put Scott over the top, 92.52 – 91.78. The win, moving Evil Empire to 2nd place on the season, prompted Scott to come up with a new “Skeletor Presents.” It’s been too long since he dropped one, so I’m pretty excited to see what he’s come up with. Let’s check it out:
Best of luck in Week Seven, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 