I tend to start these posts with a bit of news, usually NFL-related, and then use that as a segue to our weekly scoring recap. Lord knows there are plenty of topics I could use after only two weeks of games: Tua, Wentz, and Flacco being the top three passers by yardage; RBs across the league being way down the list of top fantasy scorers; the huge amount of absurd come-from-behind victories; highly touted teams like Denver and Cincy stinking up stadiums (and fantasy lineups); the list goes on and on.
But it only took two weeks for the champ to get crushed, so fuck the introduction, amiright? Let’s talk about Redman losing.
Truth be told, I was a little on edge leading up to game time. One after another, some of my top players were out with injury. Most teams couldn’t withstand the loss of Kamara, Pittman, and Gabe Davis. Then again, most teams aren’t The Prince of Bell-Helaire. Instead of those stars, I just slid Antonio Gibson and Amon-ra St Brown into my starting lineup. But the key to my 145.16 – 90.82 destruction of the Under Achievers was my steadfast activation of James Robinson. You see, a week ago Redman and I said we’d have a JAX RB dual with Robinson and Etienne in our respective lineups (let’s just say there’s some bad blood between us and these players, and we said we’d settle it on the gridiron). But as the week went on, Redman pussed out, thumbing his nose at the fantasy gods, for which they made him pay, and pay dearly.
Losing is bad enough. But losing to me?! The guy who started multiple players Redman openly mocks and hates? The guy who didn’t flinch in the Robinson-Etienne showdown? The guy who started St Brown and Lawrence (53+ points), whom he got in a trade with Redman himself?! Let’s just say the Achievers’ post-game demeanor…
…was a little different than mine.
I mean, I could go on all day, but I’ll move along to the other games. After this one, of course.
Ok, ok, I’m done.
Another team that put the smack down was Puff’s Punishers, who upended Growler Prowler, 154.60 – 116.20. Josh has staked his claim to the top spot in the league with a 2-0 record and a gaudy point total. Scott, on the other hand, still couldn’t shake off his losing ways despite stellar QB play from Lamar Jackson and Kyler Murray (who combined for almost 60% of Growler Prowler’s Week Two output). Rather than blowing up at his other starters and trying to understand how it took six guys to score the other 40%, Mr, Palmquist turned inward and worked on blowing a .40 instead.
So yeah, everyone’s currently looking up at Puff’s Punishers, but would you believe the next closest team (and the only other squad with a 2-0 record) is The Analrapists? Ted won a squeaker of a matchup last week against yours truly, and an even tighter battle this week against Evil Empire, 88.50 – 86.70. It took some serious scratching and clawing to get 7 points out of Justin Jefferson on MNF to secure the win, but it all worked out for Ted in the end. The same can’t be said for Scott in his end, unfortunately.
There was a major battle in the animal kingdom this week, as ScienceWalrus faced off against Buzzystinger. Brent got massive games on Sunday from Waddle and Kirk (who combined for 57+ points), pretty much putting away the matchup from the get-go. Buzzy had a glimmer of hope when Stefan Diggs went off for close to 40 points on MNF, but it just wasn’t enough, giving The Walrus a 129.14 – 105.96 victory and removing any doubt as to who was the king of this kingdom.
And last, Packer Hater and ZaWood took some bad beats last week (especially Alex, who was 1 point away from taking down the champ). In the end, the big names on Packer Hater were too much for ZaWood, getting Alex’s new-look squad a 117.18 – 107.82 win.
Normally this is where I’d finish with a flaccid jab at ZaWood, but it was a war of attrition for Alex this week. He lost Trey Lance for the season and also sustained injuries to Conner, Jeudy, and Davis-Price. So instead, I offer the limp joke to Packer Hater. Here’s hoping he can bone up and answer the bell.
Best of luck in Week Three, fellas!
Andy
p.s. Just gonna leave this here for your consideration.
The Terrible Ten 