It’s around this time of year — regardless of how I’m doing in my leagues — that I wonder why the hell I play this game. You can do everything right along the way and still be an awful team (e.g. my redraft league in which I selected Kamara, Gibson, Ridley, AJ Brown, Metcalf, two TE1’s, etc and I’m sitting dead last in the standings with a full 700 less points scored than the top guy!); or you can go into a season with a roster already full of injuries and playing for the future by trading away Josh Allen for a pile of picks — a la my squad in this league — and somehow end up in second place despite being in the bottom half of scoring. It really is a crap shoot…one that’s likely taking years off our lives.
The prospect of a payday is nice, but then again, no one’s getting rich in this league. Getting to rub my genitals all over the trophy was appealing at one point, but Evil Empire won it before I could, soooooo yeah, not so much anymore.
So what brings me back year after year? This right here. Writing newsletters, partaking in the super active chat, all the inside jokes you have when you play with each other so long (uh, that reads poorly, but you know what I mean). For instance, not many people in fantasy cared that Gardner Minshew got the start last week, but The Terrible Ten? We all got a chuckle because he’s associated with a one-sided trade in the league (and likely had some of us shaking our heads when he came through for Ted in a big way). This year alone we got to razz Brent for having an unbelievable team on paper that didn’t do much when it counted; Alex trying to tank for the future and going on a three-game win streak; me sitting in second place (again-again-again); Palmquist losing an unprecedented 10 in a row; Redman’s surprise power rankings; Josh showing up in the chat for a few weeks (dafuq?!); close calls; a crazy amount of trades; and on and on. So yeah, the fantasy gods can be some surly sons o’ bitches at times…but I wouldn’t trade this league for anything.
Ok, let’s get down to business, shall we?
I have to admit: I was feeling pretty low when I lost to Alex in Week Twelve. I knew I had top dog, Puff’s Punishers, on the horizon, which I figured to be another loss…one that would drop me out of contention for a coveted bye week in the playoffs. Even when I had a 30-point lead going into SNF, I figured it wouldn’t be enough to overcome the onslaught Hill and Kelce were likely to provide The Punishers. Lo and behold, Josh’s dynamic duo put up a lowly 7.4 combined points, letting me have an unexpected 130.52 – 109.98 win!
Which was a good thing for me. For the better part of two months I’ve been hearing the steady approach of Evil Empire’s footsteps. His dynamic RB duo of Taylor and Mixon has been steamrolling people, and this week was no different as Scotty swatted Buzzystinger 100.48 – 91.20, giving him his sixth victory in a row and putting him in third place all by his lonesome. Evil Empire has punched his ticket to the playoffs, and still has a chance to move into the top-two with a win this coming week coupled with a loss by either me or Josh (assuming total points line up). The news got Scotty so excited he polished his bone, then left the league with this tidbit before running off to get ready for his upcoming matchup with The Walrus.
May as well touch on Brent’s team while we’re talking about him. Week Thirteen was “situation normal” for The Walrus — players succumbing to injury (Thomas and Davis) and players having limited usage (Cooper and Zeke) led to a 106.14 – 121.70 loss to ZaWood. The defeat puts Brent outside the playoff picture and in need of help even if he somehow beats The Empire in Week Fourteen; Zach’s win, which is quietly his third in a row, puts him back in the hunt with a win-and-you’re-in scenario this week. Having his destiny in his own hands has ZaWood feeling pretty good. After all, his hands are usually too full to hold anything else.
And don’t sleep on Ted, fellas (or with him, for that matter; he ain’t called The Analrapist for nothing). With his 147.34 – 112.68 destruction of the oh-so-flat Growler Prowler, he’s in even better position than the other guys at 7-6 due to his hefty point total for the season. He can lose and should be safe barring some catastrophically weird scoring scenarios. So yeah, Ted: feel free to take the week off, put your feet up, clear your mind, forget about Week Fourteen. It’s a pretty unnecessary game you’ve got coming up, so why stress yourself out, amiright?!
Effin’ Alex. Dude had a masterful tank underway for much of the season, but then rattled off three wins in a row and damn near made it four this past week. Fortunately for the Urban Achievers, the Broncos took the reins off Javonte Williams and let him roll, baby, roll. The end result was a 116.60 – 99.90 victory for Redman, a win he desperately needed in order to keep his season alive. Even better, the Urban Achievers battle ZaWood this coming week in what will be the matchup of the season. All Redman needs to do is win and he’s in for the first time in our league’s short history. Won’t be a problem, I’m sure.
This is it. Six playoff spots. Eight of our ten teams with a shot. Best of luck in Week Fourteen, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 