Last week we endured one of the biggest point droughts I’ve ever seen in fantasy football, and Week Ten wasn’t much better. The quarterback position seemed to be the biggest disappointment, with McCoy, White, Ryan, Wilson, Stafford, Brissett, and Wentz all scoring less points combined than Patrick Mahomes (which I think proves KC’s star QB reads The Terrible Ten blog… he obviously didn’t like me calling him out last week). And then you had high-end TE’s like Gesicki and Hockenson doing their best Bruegger’s impersonation.
Nobody felt the burn like Horseshoe Up My Hooper in Week 10. I had already lost Kyler Murray, Deandre Hopkins, and Damien Harris before their respective games started. James Robinson was highly questionable with a bruised heel. To top it all off, Colt McCoy and TJ Hockenson earned a combined .18 points in my starting lineup. No way a team could come back from that, especially when up against stars such as Lamar Jackson, Davante Adams, and George Kittle from Growler Prowler’s lineup, right?
Another team that had no chance this week was Alex’s Packer Haterz. I mean, how could he? Not only has the poor bastard been selling off every possible asset in the name of pulling off a Redman-like rebuild in 2022, but he was going up against one of the hottest teams in the league in Science Walrus, who was back at full strength with the likes of Josh Allen, CMC, a Wilson-Metcalf stack, and dynamic WRs like Mike Evans and AJ Brown. Alex’s day was over before it even began!
Ok, ok, let’s get serious. After all, Evil Empire ain’t fuckin’ around anymore. He lulled us into a false sense of security by crapping the bed during the first part of the season, but has won three in a row to pull even at 5-5 and jump back into the playoff race. Scott’s latest victim? The flaccid ZaWood, who suckcummed to the mighty Empire, 84.96 – 129.68, and lost a side bet that was a little more risqué than a one-week name change.
And then we come to Puff’s Punishers, who has been putting a serious hurt on The Terrible Ten all season. Unless I’m mistaken, he’s been in first place since Day One, and nothing changed this week after he bent over The Analrapists, 126.74 – 93.36. Josh is now sitting at 9-1 and trying to lock up a bye week in the first round of the playoffs; Ted has dropped two in a row and is on the outside looking in. One team crushing; one team sucking. One at the top; one at the bottom. One team….well, I’ll let Happy take over and finish this off.
Did I say I was gonna be serious after the first two write-ups? Not resort to childish laughter and mockery? Take my jobs as a commissioner and world-renown blogger with the professionalism required of such high-profile positions?!
Ahh, the Urban Achievers. Such a cute little story in 2021, rising from the ashes to become the best team in the bottom half of The Terrible Ten. He’s earned the highest single-game score in the league (quite impressive) and won a side bet against my hobbled team (not quite as impressive). He’s The Common Man cliche: best of the lousiest, lousiest of the best. I guess that’s how he lost to a bruised and battered Buzzystinger, 71.70 – 92.28, putting him at a very average 5-5 record.
And so I bid you adieu with one more laugh. Seems apropos Number Two is in it, laughing oh-so-hard at your (futile) efforts.
Best of luck in Week Eleven, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 