That’s our fantasy scores, grandpa.
Sweet Jesus, that was brutal. The byes weren’t even the killers this week. The rash of injuries across the league certainly didn’t help matters, but even that can be written off as “Situation: Normal” for this time of the season. What happened to Josh Allen and the Bills? Joe Burrow and the Bengals? Patrick fucking Mahomes and the Chiefs (not just this week, but much of the season in their case)? Where did the points go?!?!
Redman’s Urban Achievers was one of two teams that were able to find a way to put points on the board this week. My team? Not so much. I’m pretty sure there have been lower scores during our existence, but certainly not many. The result was an embarrassing double-up, 58.08 – 116.82. Even worse, Redman and I had a side bet that the winner this week got to choose the loser’s team name for Week Ten. Look for that in the chat shortly after this newsletter posts.
The other team that was able to eclipse the century mark was Evil Empire, whose RB tandem of Mixon and Taylor ran roughshod over The Analrapists, 119.62 – 72.08. The win put Scott on the edge of the playoff race (something no one wants to see from the reining champ), while Ted’s loss sent him tumbling down the standings a couple spots (something I, for one, watched with glee…one less person to usurp my spot in 2nd, after all).
And that’s it for teams scoring 100+ points in Week Nine. However, in sneaky fashion, Science Walrus got oh-so-close with a score of 99.28. More impressive is that Brent notched his third victory in a row by swatting Buzzystinger, bringing his season back from the brink. Oh, and CMC is back. Yay, us. As for Buzzy, I’m left to scratch my head. In a season when he’s finally relevant, Bryon once again left a hole in his roster by starting someone who was on IR well before game day. Dafuq, dude? I’ve heard of people being allergic to bees, but you seem to be allergic to winning!
But hey, just because we had some low-scoring games doesn’t mean we lacked for entertainment. Hell, the last two matchups were the best of the bunch! It looked like Team Tank may end up taking down the top dog, Puff’s Punishers, which would have been a major catch-22 for Alex (cool to play spoiler; sucky for draft positioning). All he needed was 4 measly points from Khalil Herbert on MNF, which seemed like a lock…until the Bears activated David Montgomery from IR. Even so, it seemed like the two RBs would be in a timeshare, but that never materialized, giving Josh the 92.04 – 89.44 victory. Despite the loss working in his favor, the frustration of the season got to Alex in the post-game presser.
Last but not least, Growler Prowler had a shot to end his freefall down the standings by taking out league punching bag ZaWood. All he needed was 6 points from Chase Claypool on MNF. What he got instead — 5.8 points, to be exact — was a perfect representation of what this season has been like for Scott, resulting in an 82.08 – 82.26 loss. As for ZaWood, he was positively gushing with excitement after all that build-up to his win.
Best of luck in Week Ten, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 