Week Seven is historically a tough time for fantasy football managers, and this year was no different. Dallas, Buffalo, Jacksonville, Minnesota, Pittsburgh, and the LA Chargers — teams with numerous superstars this season — were all on bye, leaving everyone scrambling to fill the roster voids.
While there were points to be found in fantasy this week, making for some entertaining matchups in The Terrible Ten, I don’t remember a bigger batch of godawful NFL games in quite sometime. By the time I was done watching the Patriots embarrass the Jets and the Bucs blow out the Bears, I felt like I’d looked too-long at the Ark of the Covenant (and I wasn’t even sad about it if it ended the pain).
I haven’t talked to Growler Prowler since this past weekend, but I imagine his head was close to exploding as well. Here Buzzystinger fucked up not once but twice, taking bagels from Donovan Peoples-Jones and Sterling Shepard (both Out in their respective games)…and Scott *still* lost the matchup, 94.60 – 99.20. Buzzy’s gotta be feeling pretty good after surviving that gaffe; Scott, on the other hand, may just want to accept his fate this season.
As close as that last matchup was, Science Walrus and The Analrapists took their match right down to bitter end. Ted had a sizable lead going into MNF. Even though he was up against DK Metcalf, he had to feel fairly comfortable (Geno Smith has been no Russell Wilson, after all). But then DK went for 80+ yards and a TD on the first play from scrimmage for the Seahawks, narrowing the gap to just a-point-and-change. Surely that was an easy get with almost a full 60 mins of football left to play, right?!
We were into the second half before another catch was made, and even then there were scenarios in which Brent could still lose the matchup via fumble. In the end, The Walrus cockblocked The Analrapist, 107.54 – 106.14, keeping his season alive — and his nether regions safe — by the narrowest of margins.
Ted’s loss coupled with Buzzy’s meager point total meant I could get back to where I belong — 2nd place, bitches — if only I could take care of reining champ, Evil Empire. My week started off well with an unexpected 23.80 from third-stringer D’Ernest Johnson on TNF, and the good times kept rolling en route to a 128.94 – 80.02 rebellion over The Empire. Now, normally I rub my opponents’ noses in shit every chance I get, but in this case, Scotty’s my boss. I kinda like those big paychecks for doing next to nothing. So in humble victory I offered him a handshake. He declined my offer. I said, “No hard feelings, I understand: covid, pandemic, social distancing,” but no, he had other reasons for taking a hard pass.
As much as I’d like to keep talking about the masterful managerial moxie that has kept me toward the top of the standings, I guess it’s time to don my knee pads for Redman yet again. Not only did he take down the unbeaten Puff’s Punishers, 133.06 – 107.80, be he also notched another weekly high score *and* finds himself in the thick of the playoff hunt in 4th place! If Growler Prowler could have beat Buzzy’s 6-man roster, he’d be in 3rd place…and if the Urban Achievers had had the cajones to start Ja’marr Chase in Week One, Redman would be in 2nd place right now! I mean, I expected something like this to happen next year, or the year after, but crushing people 7 weeks into a full rebuild?!
I would guess the Packer Hater is paying close attention to what’s transpiring with Redman’s team, and thus isn’t too sad he took another ass-whooping, 78.82 – 106.88, this week at the hands of ZaWood (who, like Brent, likely saved his season with a win). Now Alex has to hope generational talent like Lawrence, Chase, Pitts, and Company are available, um, twice in a generation?!
Best of luck in Week Eight, fellas!
Andy
p.s. Still need league dues from three of you chumps. Payment info is pinned in the Sleeper chat.
The Terrible Ten 