I can’t speak for teams that actually have good players on them, but my Sleeper notifications on Sunday looked more like an infirmary roster than a highlight reel. Each time my phone beeped I thought I’d be seeing a big play, only to read the name of the latest player to bite the dust. Injuries aside, I don’t remember there being so many amazing games to open a season, bookended by the opening night shootout between Dallas and Tampa Bay and the bonkers MNF game between Las Vegas and Baltimore. Most games were super close (sorry, Green Bay), some went into overtime, many went right down to the final play. It truly was a helluva weekend to be a football fan.
The same could be said for opening weekend in The Terrible Ten. Most games were very competitive, with teams being in their respective matchups right up to the end. Granted, reigning champ Evil Empire got some separation from ZaWood via Darren Waller’s 19 (!!) targets on MNF, but it seemed closer than the final score of 151.70 – 120.70. Scotty’s win puts the league on notice that Da Champ ain’t rolling over for these new up-and-comers; Zach, on the other hand, is contemplating another season in the trenches after taking a high hard one to the mush.
Ted’s improbable Cinderella story was the talk of the league in 2020, as he somehow found himself in the playoffs despite scoring 200-300 points less than the other contenders! This year The Analrapists hit the ground running, looking to pound their opponent into submission. Normally, 149.84 would do just that. Unfortunately, Ted’s opponent was the all-in Puff’s Punishers, whose revamped offense lived up to its billing, putting up a HUGE 157.10 en route to the victory. Needless to say, The Analrapists took the loss a little hard.
Not to fellate Brent any more than I already have, but in my opinion he’s the team to beat in 2021. With a starting lineup that consists of the very best at each position and a bench filled with viable starters in their own right, it’ll be tough to bring him down, even if injuries take their toll. That being said, anything can happen in this crazy game, and it almost did this weekend. In fact, if Alex hadn’t sold off Cook and Woods right before the season, he would have won. Alas, the resident Packer Hater fell to The Walrus, 130.86 – 113.98, and was left to lament the one that got away.
Little tangent here for you fellas: did you know I traded for Redman’s 2022 1st rounder? Man, what a move on my part. Just…wow. Yeah. Anyway, Cody rolled out what has to be the youngest team in the league, complete with rising stars at every position from QB to RB to TE to….wait a sec. Where was his top-flight WR, Ja’marr Chase? On the bench, you say?! Oof. That one had to hurt (especially when Aiyuk did his best RoJo impersonation and disappeared with no points). League pest, Buzzystinger, didn’t come out guns a-blazin’, but did just enough to eek out the victory, 88.38 – 86.26. Congrats to Buzzy are in order, I suppose, but I can’t be bothered at the moment.
Last but not least, RoJo did his best to give me the shocker on Thursday Night Football (-.6 points? Really, mf?!), but the heart of a 2nd Place Champion shone through, overcoming my lackluster start to the season by ultimately crushing Growler Prowler, 106.76 – 91.80. And by crush, I mean I needed Kyler Murray to score a third of my points all by himself. Oh, and Davante Adams to be held in check. And Palmquist to choose poorly when Trey Sermon was a late scratch. And I can’t forget LJax and Carr trading late turnovers. So yeah, like I said, I flat-out crushed the former Champ!
Best of luck in Week Two, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 