Before we begin, a moment of raucous guitar riffs from the legendary Eddie Van Halen. It’s sad to lose such a maestro, but as Scotty of the Evil Empire said to me, “Dude crammed about 200 years worth of living into his 65 years.” Indeed, he did.
Back to fantasy football, it looked like I was going to be my own worst enemy in Week Four. With massive points from Melvin Gordon, Kareem Hunt and others on my bench — along with my starters laying an egg in the first half of the early games — Alex was on his way to knocking me off my perch. But, me being the zen-master I am, I didn’t lose my cool. Nope, I calmly walked in at halftime, gathered my guys together, and told them to just go have fun. And what do you know? They responded to my polite coaxing with a 147.94 – 101.60 victory over The Wiz. This coaching stuff is easy when you kill ‘em with kindness.
I’ve seen a lot of crazy stuff during my time playing this game, but I’ve never seen anyone score 63+ points in one week from his Tight Ends. Believe it or not, that’s exactly how Scott P’s squad overcame a huge deficit to club the ScienceWalrus, 157.26 – 125.14, moving both teams to 2-2 on the season. You’d think Growler Prowler made a deal with the Devil to stage such an odd comeback, and you wouldn’t be far from the truth…
As if that wasn’t strange enough, we had a game decided by two-hundredths of a point (!!) when Ted’s Analrapists cornholed Cody’s Underachievers, 98.74 – 98.72. The win gets Ted back to .500 and helps wash a little of the bad taste from his mouth over the Chubb trade (that, and 6 weeks of missed time on IR); the loss moves Redman to 0-4, all but ending his season. That being said, all clouds have a silver lining!
Moving along, Scott’s Evil Empire had *huge* games from “Stat” Prescott and Joe Mixon on his way to a 125.52 – 98.40 victory over the Punishers. The win staked Scotty’s sole claim to second place in the league; it also staked his claim to exclusive use of the Skull Logo going forward.
Last but not least, Buzzystinger continues to do his best Phoenix impersonation, rising from the ashes of an abysmal opening season to wreak havoc on the rest of us. This week’s victim was ZaWood, who got swarmed 132.98 – 106.70. Now, a word of warning to you fellas going forward. We didn’t notice it last year because, well, Bryon sucked. But I’ve noticed a trend the past couple weeks, and you’re gonna want to keep your guard up when Buzzy wins. You see, well…
Best of luck in Week Five, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 