Phew. This has been a *brutal* week already. No, I’m not talking about continued injuries to players like Godwin and Goedert, or the possibility of rescheduled games due to the league’s first run-in with Covid. Rather, I’ve got a wifey and two kiddos who are down-and-out with coughs and colds. The Gatorade has been flowing (as has the snot from their shnozzes) and the amount of sleep has been negligible. It was so bad I figured I’d wave the white flag and beg your forgiveness for missing a weekly newsletter…
…but then I realized I’m the only undefeated team left in the league after dismantling (read: squeaking by much too close for comfort) Ted’s Analrapists 116.34 – 93.10, and I had better suck it up. You know, for the league. Nothing selfish about it. Nosiree, Bob, just a commish doing his job. Not gonna gloat. Nope. Not me.
Man, Brent’s team sure looks good. He’s still at full Chubb after his trade with Ted, and Russell Wilson continues to put up ridiculous numbers. I mean, who could stop the Walrus, amiright?!
Wait, what’s that? Sorry, folks, my producer just made me aware of the fact that Alex doesn’t care about Brent’s fancy trade or additional accolades. Instead, The Wiz lit up the Walrus 146.76 – 133.60 and sent his weak-ass team back to the abyss (or, at a minimum, one game back in the standings).
The Evil Empire may not possess a sorcerer of Alex’s power, but does it even matter when you have Patrick freakin’ Mahomes?! Cody’s Underachievers managed to keep it close for awhile, and I hear he thought he might sneak by Scotty if only Mahomes could be kept in check? Surely it’s possible, right?
Well, well, well, look at what we have here. I gave Jo-Buzzy an ultimatum and he took it to heart, handing the Punishers a stinging loss by the score of 126.10 – 96.74. The win bumps him far enough up the standings that…wait a sec…he’s in playoff contention?! Ok, ok, let’s not get carried away here, Bryon. Competitive is acceptable; playoff-bound is downright scary.
And last, Growler Prowler is finding it difficult to bear the burden of being the league champ (I mean, it’s kind of understandable: it *is* a big damned trophy to lug around). Either that, or Zach is just good, cranking out a high score for the second week in a row as he upended Scott 139.84 – 80.30. Let’s hope The Prowler’s able to fix this mess before it’s too late.
Best of luck in Week Four, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 