I gotta tell you, fellas: I didn’t think I’d be writing any recaps this season (if only you could be so lucky, amiright?!). With as quickly as the spring and summer sports closed up shop, coupled with Covid numbers continuing to rise, I figured football was dead in the water. I mean, seriously, how could a bunch of dudes huddle, tackle, hogpile a fumble, etc. and not spread the virus that shut down damn-near everything else in society?! Let’s face it: most of these guys don’t have great track records when it comes to social-distancing anyway.
Somehow, some way, the season came. But now we’re trying to play fantasy football with no footage from camp, no practices against other teams, and no preseason games to gauge how players are doing. Just a bunch of bullshit hype in which every player from every team is setting the world on fire, creating an MVP race with hundreds of candidates because everyone from Lamar Jackson to the undrafted rookie running back/kicker/waterboy hybrid has never looked better. It’s maddening, I tell you!
So, with Week One in the rear view mirror, I ask: how did we do under these unique circumstances?
Well, if you’re the kind of fantasy manager (read: genius) who only drafts the best players, thereby creating a juggernaut as unstoppable as, say, my Two Christians, One Kupp squad, then you really have nothing to worry about. Need proof? Look no further than my dismantling of Team ZaWood by a score of 151.78 – 113.42. By day’s end it was like my team had been on the damned Oprah show!
Last year’s champ, Growler Prowler, survived MNF surges from Derrick Henry and Noah Fant to outlast Redman’s Underachievers, 118.80 – 114.06. The win gets Scott P. on the right foot for defending his title. Meanwhile, Redman’s loss reiterates something he’d love to forget. No, it’s not that he’s off to another slow start; rather, it’s lamenting that OBJ is still on his roster.
One matchup I watched with interest was Alex’s 134.16 – 119.02 victory over last year’s bottom dweller, Bryon’s Team Buzzystinger. While it was good to see our resident Packer Hater pick up where he left off, trying to avenge his 4th place cashless finish, it was even better to see ole Buzzy put up a respectable fight. With his veterans playing up to levels they didn’t achieve at all last year, he finds himself in the top half of the league in scoring after Week One. Ahh, what a difference a year makes.
Next up, Brent’s ScienceWalrus doled out some discipline to Josh’s Punishers, 125.56 – 105.12. While the Punishers started a league best 10-1 last season, they haven’t been the same team since then. Meanwhile, Brent proves he *is* the walrus with a lineup of solid veterans and a stockpile of newly drafted rookies that did pretty well overall…then followed up his victorious week with a trade for the ages (more on that in a future newsletter).
Last, and most definitely least, Ted lived up to his namesake when his Analrapists took it up the backside in a lopsided 120.88 – 88.32 loss to Scott O’s Evil Empire. I guess we should have known Ted was toast once Scotty pulled out the Skeletor logo. Who could focus on football when the universe’s greatest supervillain was up to his naughty ways?!
Best of luck in Week Two, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 