I wanna say this is my 13th season playing fantasy football, partaking in a few leagues per year on average. You can’t play this game that long without picking up some stories along the way — championships won, heartbreaking defeats, studs that played like duds, finding diamonds in the rough, etc. Regaling each other with our fantasy football acumen sounds as fun as wiping my ass with sandpaper, so instead I’d like to share my funniest moment playing fantasy football.
The year was 2010. At that time I was still playing in No Holds Barred, a ten-team auction redraft league run by my brother (both Redman [redshirtfreshmn] and Josh [Puff’s Punishers] were in the league too). MN fans may remember that after starting the season with New England, Randy Moss ended up back with the Vikings, and boy oh boy did the Twin Cities populace lose its ever-lovin’ mind.
I’d drafted Moss that year, and had high hopes after he put up 83 receptions for 1264 yards and 13 TD’s in 2009. Needless to say, his 9 receptions for 139 yards and 3TD’s through four games with New England left me extremely disappointed. When news came that he’d been picked up by the Vikes as a way to jumpstart the anemic offense in Favre’s second year with the team, I figured there was no better time to trade him away.
Problem is, the guys in that league were all pretty savvy. I had to hope I could swindle someone by going the homer route, and I knew just the person to go to.
My younger brother, Dave.
Trades with Dave are always tough because he wants a king’s ransom in return for any of his players. So, you can imagine my shock when I offered him Randy Moss in exchange for Roddy White (WR1 overall that year), straight-up, and he took it. Never in a million years did I think he’d do it, but the nostalgia play worked. By year’s end White topped the list of fantasy receivers, Moss was a distant memory for the Vikes, and I had pulled off one of the most lopsided trades I’ve ever been a part of.
But it gets better.
My brother’s birthday is in mid-November. For weeks I’d been giving him shit for letting go of Roddy White, and he was getting pretty sick of listening to me chirp. When it came time to send him a gift, I knew exactly what to do.
Yup, you guessed it: an authentic Roddy White jersey.
I fired up the ole home PC, dropped $75-100 on a jersey, and sent it on its way. The day of his birthday I expected to get a nasty message from him, but all I got was crickets. After waiting until late evening and still not hearing a peep, I gave him a buzz to see if he’d received my gift. Much to my delight, he hadn’t seen the box by that point, so he opened it while I was on the phone. The conversation went something like this:
Me: “Happy Birthday, man! I hope you dig it.”
Dave: [Opens box and sees a red-and-black jersey.] “Wow, a jersey? That’s so cool! What do we have here? Arian Foster? Andre Johnson?”
(He’s guessing Texans players because he moved to Houston a few years before.)
Me: [Trying sooooo hard not to laugh.]
Dave: [Plastic ripping.]
Dave: [Silence.]
Dave: [Silence.]
Dave: You FUCKER!
Me: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I laughed so hard I had tears running down my cheeks. Meanwhile he’s swearing, completely disgusted with me for getting his hopes up and trolling him like a boss, which made me laugh all the harder. I wish like hell I’d recorded the conversation (or had his wife video record his reaction) as it was one for the ages.
To my knowledge he never wore the jersey. During the following year’s draft he sent me a pic of Josh wearing it while flipping me the bird, which just got me rolling with laughter all over again.
And that’s the story of how I teabagged my brother’s fantasy football season and immortalized Mr. Roddy White.
How about you? Any funny fantasy football stories you want to share with the group? If so, post a small blurb on Sleeper chat or type up a longer entry and I’ll post it to the blog for all to see.
Until next time….
Andy
The Terrible Ten 