Honest to God, is there an easier game to play than fantasy football?! I mean only a dolt wouldn’t foresee the Browns going on the road and destroying the Ravens. And seriously, is there anyone out there who didn’t know the Bucs and Rams would score almost 100 total points, and that Tampa Bay would lead the game wire-to-wire? Even if you missed those gimmes, you had to have known Wayne Gallman would damn near score as many points in one game as Saquon did in three games combined, right? Riiight?! YEEEEEARGH!
All joking aside, if you’re looking for a rocksteady, set-it-and-forget-it weekly winner, look no further than Two Christians, One Kirk. I’ll admit it was looking a little dicey when I was down by 15 points to the Analrapists going into MNF and my lone remaining player was Mason Rudolph, but the QB didn’t let me down in his second start, scoring 16.86 points and pushing me over the top with a final score of 125.90 – 123.78. By helping me move into first place with the victory, it’s safe to say the two of us will be lifelong pals going forward.
It wasn’t a pretty win, but Lamar Jackson’s continued dominance was enough to push the Growler Prowlers past Zach’s squad, 99.46 – 86.40. The win keeps Palmquist toward the top of the league. Zach, however, is dealing with an underperforming team that has lost him some very winnable games. Until now he’s managed to trot out his best lineups. This past week? There were an awwwwwful lot of points on the ole bench that could have made the difference between winning and losing.
I, uh…I don’t even know what to say about the pillow fight between Puff’s Punishers and The (Not So) Great Scottsmen. The final score of 80.98 – 70.92 was bad enough. Factor in that Josh inexcusably played Saquon Barkley and Osterloh STILL couldn’t come close to a W is enough to make me question why I even bothered putting this league together. I mean…wha–…why di–?
*sigh*
Time to jump into my Way-Back Machine and see if I can mathematically explain what’s going on with Alex the Wiz and Bryon the Buzzystinger this season:
Team Wiz and Team Buzzystinger start the season at the point of origin (0,0) on a coordinate plane in which line “x” measures time and line “y” measures awesomeness. The blue line represents Team Wiz in that over the past four weeks, Alex has gathered three wins and numerous Points For (including 133.68 points this past weekend), which accounts for his steady rise in awesomeness over time; unfortunately, there isn’t a similar slope for Team Buzzystinger because over time his awesomeness has stagnated (as shown by his 72.70 points this past weekend), leaving Bryon to coast along the “x” axis with little-to-no hope of improvement in said awesomeness.
Last, the Science Walrus tusked up The Big Lebowski by a score of 107.14 – 100.76, keeping Brent at the top of the league with the other 3-1 teams. As for Cody, his team looks good on paper, but the starters haven’t all been on the same page to this point, especially his top two WRs — OBJ and Julio. I’m sure it’ll all come together for Redman at some point, but until then, he’s likely to be crying like a bitch as his fantasy dreams continue to be nightmares.
Best of luck in Week Five!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 