Another week into the season, another week of high-profile players going down. Big Ben’s arm surgery will keep him sidelined until next season, while Brees’ hand injury will have him missing half of the FF regular season.
As tough as those losses are, both pale in comparison to the apparent abduction of the Carolina Panthers’ quarterback. I’ve taken the liberty of calling John Walsh to file a missing persons report, as well as drafting this wanted poster. Please take a moment to familiarize yourself with the case. Any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
One thing we have in abundance is points, namely from Alex’s league-leading Packer Hater squad. This week he crushed Osterloh’s hopes and dreams with a 129.10 – 118.28 stomping, led by Vikings’ RB Dalvin Cook. Now, for those not in the know, these two fellas are pretty competitive. Alex immediately taunted Scott that the Packer Haterz won their fantasy matchup, so what happens? Scott taunts Alex that the Packers got the real-life victory. Normally this back and forth would go on forever, but Alex quickly dropped the mic by showing he’s more of a Scottsmen than the Evil Empire could ever hope to be.
This week’s 101.70 – 96.92 matchup between Palmquist’s Growler Prowlers and Ted’s Analrapists makes me chuckle. Why would such a competitive matchup that went down to the wire make me laugh? Well, you see, these two guys *also* played each other in a separate work league, and the end result was the same: Scott had his way with poor ole Ted, bleeding away any pleasure from the Analrapists’ weekend. Gonna have to watch these Prowlers, fellas.
Puff’s Punishers were able to get into the win column with a 119.52 – 96.30 victory over Brent’s Science Walrus. It was definitely a tale of two teams this week, as Pearce’s starters were studs pretty much across the board, whereas Brent’s horses came up lame (less than 10 points each from Evans, Jacobs, McCoy, and Engram…and Mayfield would have been in that group, too, if not for the bomb to OBJ). The Walrus wanted to be upset by his lack of luck, but Josh quickly took Brent’s mind off his woes.
There once was a guy named Buzzy
Who said that he wanted to play,
But last night his head became fuzzy
After a 90-yard shot to OBJ.
(Uffda. I better not quit my day job.)
Anywho, Buzzy was all set to be flying high this week, but then the Browns pulled one big offensive play out of their collective asses, giving Lebowski the late victory with a score of 114.76 – 103.22. Afterwards, Redman didn’t need any frilly poetry to put a bow on the week.
Finally, despite Run-CMC doing his damnedest to give the week to ZaWood, my squad was able to power its way to a 99.28 – 84.48 victory, staying undefeated on the season. Sorry for the deflating loss, Woodster.
Best of luck in Week Three, fellas!
Andy
The Terrible Ten 